


Charlotte in the bathtub

by AmandaBecker



Series: What if? [19]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Affection, Desire, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Fun, Love, Sensuality, Sexual Tension, Sidlotte - Freeform, Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, What-If, sensuous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:06:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26379283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: What if.... Charlotte has to go in the bathtub?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: What if? [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544161
Comments: 399
Kudos: 342





	1. The presentation

**Author's Note:**

> Another little story from my What if... series. 
> 
> The story had been lying around for a while, as you know I was a bit distracted by others and now I've edited it and here is the first part of it.
> 
> Hope you like it.

Sidney didn't want to be here. He had yesterday one of the worst hangovers ever and the reason for this was standing next to him. Her scent clouded his mind. But maybe he was just still drunk.   
He was sorry that he had bluffed her like that in Tom's study. Of course she was expecting Tom, but Jesus! He really couldn't stand the sight of her. The look on her face. Like a scared little bunny... well, or more like a wild cat. For Miss Heywood had rather sharp claws. As he knew by now. But ...those eyes. So big and round and her slightly rosy cheeks.

He had reacted annoyed, although he actually found it quite amusing... but then again he didn't. She had seen him naked! Good Lord, he thought and closed his eyes briefly as he thought of her shocked face. Luckily no one had noticed, otherwise he would have had to ride to Willingden and ask for her hand. Sidney could not help but grin at the thought. How interesting this thought was... How she would have reacted?

Sidney looked at her for a moment. Two steps away, she stood there with her hands folded modestly in front of her body as if she were standing in the church. Her cheeks slightly flushed. Sidney wondered if her thoughts kept wandering back to encounter down at the cove as well. Coupled with the images that adorned Lady D's walls... There must be something happening in her head...and perhaps also with her heart...no body. In her body. Yes. 

While he refilled himself some more of the strong tea, his gaze wandered across the wall in front of him. The naked bodies that were floating around... Suddenly one of the figures had Miss Heywood's face. In shock, he almost dropped the teacup and with a somewhat ungentle clinking sound, he put it down. Sidney could not stand it here any longer. He should leave immediately!

When he tried to turn around to leave the presentation, he grazed her arm and the jolt that chased through his body made him freeze in motion. Oh boy, what was that? A quick glance showed him that she must have felt it too, because she stood there stiff as a stick and turned her head forward again in a flash. She stared at Dr Fuchs and didn't even notice that he was talking to her. Sidney had also been a bit distracted and looked at his brother questioningly.

"Come on Miss Heywood!" cried Lady Denham. "You have bragged about trying everything there is to try, haven't you?" She looked questioningly at Clara, who nodded briefly and lowered her head in repentance, although Sidney did not quite believe her. 

"But I..." Charlotte stuttered.

A strange feeling crept up Sidney's back and he stiffened slightly. Somehow he felt he was to blame for what was about to happen, even though he had no idea what it was all about.

Slowly he raised his eyes and looked over to Charlotte whose cheeks were now even darker and then she gave him a quick, penetrating look as if it was his fault. It was. Somehow. But...that was not his fault! Again he looked at Tom, who laughed happily and seemed to agree with Dr Fuchs suggestion.

"Charlotte, please that would be great!"

But Mary seemed to be worried.  
"Tom, if she doesn't want to..."

Charlotte turned to Mary with a questioning look, and that's the way Sidney looked at her as well. 

"She's obviously uncomfortable about getting in that tub in front of everybody."

When he heard that, his thoughts rotated. She should take a bath in front of everyone? In bathtubs people were...naked! And again images streamed into his brain and Sidney closed his eyes for a few seconds. Maybe he really should go. Now!

"Oh, nonsense!" Lady D's voice roared through the hall and Tom looked at Charlotte with a pleading look. 

"Please Charlotte!" he begged softly. He wanted to convince Lady Denham of Dr Fuchs at all costs, Charlotte knew that and without thinking any further she nodded and smiled at Mary.

"Good, good, come here, gnädiges Fräulein." Dr Fuchs waved her over.

And as if she wanted to make sure Sidney agreed as well, she looked him shyly in the eyes as she went over to the strange construct and disappeared behind a screen.

His heart was beating quite wildly. He couldn't really think straight anymore. Why had she looked at him like that? Had it just seemed that way to him? Or did she care about his opinion? No, that could not be! Probably she was uncomfortable that he was there... and all the others. He looked questioningly at Mary, who seemed to be discussing quietly with Tom. Arthur and Diana looked like children at Christmas before the presents were given. Lady Denham and her female relatives seemed rather bored, but Edward...yes Edward seemed amused or even... satisfied.

Sidney didn't like that at all and slowly walked over to him.

"Yes, my friend," nodded Edward and grinned nastily, leaning closer in conspiratorial manner. "You'll get a better view from here." 

He nodded to the small cubicle where Charlotte was changing and licked his lips. The urge to turn him around violently almost gained the upper hand, but of course Sidney held back.

"Look away." He grumbled instead and pulled at Edward's arm.  
"Oh, well, you can't see anything anyway..." Edward admitted. "Besides, she's not nearly as interesting as other ladies here. Do you not agree?" Again he grinned and then slowly strolled over to the ladies.

Sidney was angry. Why exactly he didn’t knew. He couldn't name this burning feeling in him exactly, it wasn't really anger at Edward... rather ...oh he didn't know. He did not want Edward to look at her. Not when she changed her clothes, not when she... So in general. He didn't want to see that lascivious look he was now giving Clara. No, not at Miss Heywood. Absolutely not! And of course Miss Heywood is not interesting! Well... She was interesting because she was so different, fresh and cheeky. What?

While he was still wondering what feelings were raging inside him, the curtain was pulled aside and Charlotte came out in a mouse-grey bathing costume and looked around nervously, but seemed to relax as she looked at Mary. She was then invited into the tub and as she got in, her eyes met his and she seemed to be as nervous as she had been when she came into Tom's study.

Did he make her nervous? Sidney wondered and could not help smiling wryly. But unexpected, she also twisted her mouth, this beautiful mouth, this cheeky and still beautiful mouth into a little smile. A feeling similar to the one he had at the cove was tingling in his stomach.

No, actually it was different...rather more kind of quiet. Not such an exciting kind of feeling, but more... warm. Trapped in his thoughts, he looked down and didn't hear the questions Dr Fuchs asked or Miss Heywood's answers. The only thing he heard was the noise in his head. Although he believed it was the water from that strange machine. Then he heard her giggling softly. And his heart made a leap. And his eyes bored into the curtain, as if he could burn it down. Then she laughed out loud and his heart beat a little wilder. And this feeling in his stomach sloshed over his whole body.

What was wrong with him? He had never had such a hangover before... he laughed in his head and could only just suppress his chuckle when he thought he had a ‘Charlotte Heywood’ hangover. He smiled at the thought, rather a ‘Charlotte Heywood’ intoxication. Oh, yeah, that could be.

And when this little thought sank in, he shook himself and abandoned this nonsensical thought. At the very moment he looked up to devote himself again to the spectacle in front of him, Dr Fuchs indicated that the presentation was now finished and told Charlotte trough the curtains.

"You can now change. Towels are ready." 

The mumbling of the others present and enthusiastic shouts and Tom's clapping disappeared into the background. A slight murmur accompanied the thoughts in his head. And although he didn't want it, Sidney's imagination drifted in one direction. In a moment she would be naked just a few steps away from him. Naked and wet. And that the drops of water would flow down her graceful neck and over her back and the...

"Ouch!" she cried out and he saw… red.


	2. The accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go back a few steps and see what happened to Charlotte.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for your lovely comments and kudos, here is the second part of this little story.

Charlotte was glad when she came out of the dressing room in this stone-grey robe and Sidney Parker had disappeared. She relaxed as Mary nodded to her as if it was a confirmation of her silent question. But, of course, this was not her day, for as she got into the bathtub she saw him standing at the back of the construction, smiling slightly at her. Apparently she had interpreted the look correctly before and he thought it was nice that she was doing Tom this favour.

Surprised at her own reaction, a double beat of her heart, she smiled back a little and then sat down in the tub. She only stopped smiling at this rare sight before her inner eye when Dr Fuchs gave her instructions on how to hold this strange looking hose.

When the agreeably warm water splashed out of this device, she had to giggle as it tickled her in a strangely pleasant way. In between Dr Fuchs asked her how she felt and whether the pressure of the water was pleasant and whether the temperature was acceptable.

Charlotte carefully moved this gadget over her legs first and then let it float slowly over her lap, belly and upper body. It tickles and was so pleasantly tingling on her skin. It felt like a warm summer rain and she began to relax and enjoy it even more.

She was almost a bit annoyed when Dr Fuchs disturbed her with his questions during this experiment, because she enjoyed it and was sure that she would be able to enjoy it so much more in peace and quiet and without those present. A certain person stole back into her thoughts, but she immediately banished him again. Charlotte made sure to cover the whole fabric of the dress with water to distract her thoughts, which were about to drift away. Again to a certain gentleman. 

This swimsuit was not quite as heavy as the one she wore when she went swimming in the sea, but it was now almost uncomfortably tight against her body. It turned dark and suddenly it was no longer coloured like the cliffs of the cove, but had taken on a muddy tone. Like wet sand. And then she saw him naked again. So strangely different from herself and yet so beautiful. She shook her head to get him out of there, but then she had to think of the encounter in Tom's study. It had been so embarrassing that they had discovered her under the table. She laughed for a moment and tried to keep her mind from being completely dominated by him again and thought about her further encounters.

The way he had looked at her! As if she had been to blame for it. What impudence! His insinuation, as if she was deliberately appearing wherever he was. If only he wasn't always everywhere she went! She could not escape him! And as if that wasn't annoying and exhausting enough, now he was appearing in her dreams too. Well, she had dreamed about him before, but that was only because he was so...so... rude. Nothing more!

And today she hadn't really expected him sitting there like that...and looking at her so angrily, but oh, that sight of him down by the cove was already back in her mind and she could only stare at him. And earlier when they touched accidentally...that hot pain...well no pain but...whatever, that was strange. And that smile! That was the way she liked him the most. This smile, it was somehow so... soft and sweet. It didn't match with his rough nature at all.

Suddenly Dr Fuchs asking her to leave the tub tore her from her thoughts. 

"You can now change. Towels are ready." 

Charlotte held on to the edge of the bathtub and stood up. She lifted her leg to get out of the tub and got stuck, stumbled and, reached for hold. 

"Ouch!" she cried out.

A hissing pain runs up her arm and through her whole body. She became dizzy, probably because she had hardly been able to eat for two days and the next moment she saw Lady Denham's floor coming towards her when the fall was suddenly stopped. Two strong hands grabbed her, she was dizzier than before and the next moment she was floating. Although she was held in a firm and solid manner against something that smelled like Sidney Parker. Woody, smoky and somehow.... like the sea. Someone called for a towel, and in the next moment something soft was laid over her.

"But not here!" cried Mr Parker, she could feel his dark baritone resounding in his chest.

"This way!" Someone cried.

A horrible smell made her startle and she instantly regretted it. For she was not alone, to her left, stood Dr Fuchs with his back to her and beside him, apparently trying not to look in her direction, with an almost shy look, stood none other than Mr Sidney Parker. 

Charlotte was suddenly cold. Because she was still wearing the stone grey, muddy bathing costume that glued to her curves like a second skin. And now that she realised that Mr Sidney Parker had seen her like that, she almost felt dizzy for a second time. And of course he had noticed that she was freezing. She felt her cheeks burning but tore the towel up to her neck, to hide her body from his eyes, although he had turned his back in her direction as well. 

A door was ripped open and loud chatter from all the others present made Dr Fuchs run to the door and let the visitors calm down and wait outside, as he wanted to take care of the Fräulein first.

Charlotte lifted her arm from a bowl of water and looked at the inside of her arm and pulled a slightly disgusted face. 

"What were you thinking?" Mr Parker snapped at her without turning around to face her.

"Excuse me?" Charlotte felt the pain crawl from her arm into her chest.

"So really! How naive are you, holding on to that boiler?"

"I didn't mean to!" she was upset and, like almost every time he mocked her like that, tears welled up in her eyes.  
"I got stuck." She admitted quietly and as her arm began to pound, she put it back into the water. 

Charlotte hissed as the cool water moistened the burning skin. With an expression on his face that she could only describe as annoyed and angry, Mr Parker looked at her for a blink of an eye and disappeared out of the room without another word.

Red rage boiled up inside her and the tears she had tried to suppress were now running down her cheeks. What Mary, who was now allowed into the room, recognised as tears of pain. Charlotte denied it, for she had really experienced worse, but the burning anger Sidney Parker had inspired in her made her all the angrier.

After Dr Fuchs had examined her arm, she was able to change her clothes with Mary's help and was then given a cup of tea in Lady Denham's room. Everyone was curiously looking at the wound, but as Charlotte dismissed it as if it were nothing, the conversation was quickly drawn to the benefits of bathing in this way. When Dr Fuchs asked her for her personal opinion, she admitted that it was very relaxing but that it was certainly even more pleasant to be alone in the room. Everyone laughed.

"And I think..." she blushed to say it in front of the men present, although she was of course glad that one certain person was no longer present and wondered how she could describe it  
"It would be safer...erm.".

"Yes, mein Fräulein?"  
"If...the bathing dresses were less heavy."

This was a good alternative and she smiled shyly into the group. Luckily she could pretend to take a sip while her mind was once again lost in what it would have been like if she had only worn her chemise for example...and then this situation happened...then Sidney...erm Mr Parker would have seen her like this. She choked on this unseemly thought and had to cough so hard that Mary asked to be allowed to go.

Later that day, after convincing Mary that she was well enough, she was standing with Mr Stringer when his father fell from the building site and was seriously injured. She tried to calm him down as best she could, but quickly saw that his leg needed to be tied off to prevent him losing so much blood.

Mr Parker, who had rushed to their aid, knelt beside her and she quickly stood up to tear off a piece of her petticoat to make a bandage. But she didn't have enough strength and her arm hurt quite a bit. So she looked at him for help, although she hadn't noticed that he was already standing and reaching out to her. She just was able to ask… 

"Can you...?" before he even grabbed it and without much effort tore off the fabric. 

She trembled for a moment, because at this part of her body no one, especially no man, had ever touched her. Even if it was only accidentally, the thought alone made her cheeks blush. This burning pain went through her body again, but she pushed it away and bandaged the patient's leg. She felt Mr Parker's gaze on her, probably surprised that she could do such a thing.

A time later, after they helped Dr Fuchs set the broken leg and the workers helped Mr Stringer to bring him home, she noticed that she was very exhausted. She helped clean up the room and she felt Sidney’s eyes on her.

"What?" 

Charlotte asked angrily with raised eyebrows. He probably had something to criticise about again. He shook his head and smiled that almost shamelessly irresistible smile that almost made you forget he was so rude. Lowering his gaze he muttered almost incomprehensibly,

"You were amazing."

Did she hear right? She stared at him in surprise and he laughed silently for a moment and then explained,

"I don't know any woman who cares so much for others, above all she is hurt too."

"It's not so bad." She shrugged, even though her skin was tense and itchy. And, to be honest, she would have liked to cry for a moment.

He came one step closer and said in his dark voice.

"You don't have to pretend it's not hurting...you passed out from the pain... it's all right."

She couldn't help but looked at him with gratitude. But before she could say anything he grabbed her wrist and this painful burning ran through her body again, she wanted to pull her arm away but he turned it and looked at the wound.

"Don't be ashamed, really, I've seen worse..." and suddenly she felt a stab of compassion in her chest.

"Dr Fuchs should give you some ointment."

"He did..." she smiled "and until it heals, I'm allowed to bathe in his strange machine." 

But her smile disappeared as his gaze bored into her eyes and she felt her cheeks blush again. Both thought about what had happened and without thinking about her words she explained,

"But then without the heavy bathing dress."

That didn't make the situation any better, she didn't know why, but his grip on her arm became stronger. It wasn't painful but together with the look that somehow occupied her whole vision she became warmer somehow.

"Well, I mean..."  
"I know." He managed to say and lowered his gaze.

"You can come together tomorrow," cried Dr Fuchs at this moment and came closer to pack his things together. The two looked at him in shock, but the doctor shrugged and declared laughing.  
"No worries, I have several in my house."

Both froze again, but Sidney managed to control himself first. 

"Tomorrow." It sounded like a question.

They looked into each other’s eyes and smiled timidly. 

“Well then.”  
“Well then.”


	3. In the bathtubs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr Fuchs invited them to enjoy his construction once again in peace at his house. But rest is not what they find...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have the same images in your mind while reading that came to my mind while writing.....

Of course, Charlotte could not find any rest all night long and only fell asleep in exhaustion when it was already dawning outside. Nor was it her itching arm that kept her from sleeping, but the thought of Mr Parker. Mr Sidney Parker.

Charlotte tried to fight the images in her head, but they just popped up again. She saw him rising from the waves. So tall, broad and strong. His body. So different. But beautiful. These upper arms! And this shoulders. And the dark hair in the middle of his shapely chest, how would it feel to stroke it?

Shocked by this thought, she tried to distract herself, thought of the bookkeeping and the many papers she urgently needed to go through with Tom. But then he stole back into her head and she thought about the bathtub and how beautiful the soft water jet had felt on her skin. How it had tickled lightly. And then suddenly he was in the tub with her and... Looked like… that day at the cove... she should really stop thinking about it! But her head did what it wanted. 

She got up. Her heart was racing and her cheeks were glowing. The idea formed in her head that she should go to the beach and swim in the sea to cool down. But first of all she would go to the study room and prepare the papers that Tom absolutely had to go through and above all he had to see the overdue bills. And the letter from the insurance company. She wanted to make sure he released the payment, so she wanted to give it to him personally and not be distracted by the fact that she would later go bathing with Mr Parker. Well, not together, but...yes. 

When Charlotte came down Mary was already having breakfast with the children and she joined them. Everyone asked her how she was feeling and although her arm was burning and itching, she dismissed it as half as bad. Mr Stringer was so much worse, she reminds them. The poor man!

After breakfast, the first real one in days, Charlotte hurried into the study to get the papers, when suddenly Mr Parker stood in front of her.

"Good morning." he bowed slightly.  
"Good morning."

"Are you ready?"

"I was just..." Charlotte started, and at that moment Sidney said.  
"For our bath with Dr Fuchs."

They both laughed for a moment, the thought was too absurd. Somehow they sensed that the other seemed a bit as nervous as they felt themselves.

"Or is it not possible?"

"But of course!" 

Charlotte replied a little too quickly and as Mr Parker pulled his face to that crooked smile, she bit her lip and pointed to the stairs,   
"I'll just get my coat."

Forgotten were the papers, bills and above all Tom. Charlotte felt her heart racing. She quickly ran to her room to fetch the small bag with the underdress she wanted to wear this time.

The short walk to Dr Fuchs' house was awkwardly quiet, although Sidney... Mr Parker tried to have a little conversation. But Charlotte could only nod and agree with his opinion about the unsettled weather. They remained silent for the last ten minutes of their walk.

"Oh, there you are!" 

Dr Fuchs greeted them happily and had a servant take each of them to a room with two doors, about the size of the bathing machine. Charlotte relaxed in relief, thinking she could now simply enjoy her thirty minutes in the bath without thinking of Sidney Parker.

After she had changed, there was a knock at the back door of the small dressing room and a maid said through the door for her to come out. It was just two steps across cool tiles at the head of the tub. And Charlotte was glad not to come near the boiler when she would get out of the tub later. As the whole section was covered with curtains on the left and right, she couldn't tell how big the actual room was.

"If you need anything or you feel uncomfortable, please ring the bell." 

Said the maid quietly, pointing to a string connected to a golden bell.   
She curtsied and left.

This time only dressed in a thin, slightly longer underdress what barely covered her thighs Charlotte froze a little at first when she sat down in the cool tub. The water was turned on and, as with Lady Denham, Charlotte had to giggle softly as the many little streams of water tickled her skin.

"That feels good, doesn't it?" whispered Mr Parker’s dark voice and Charlotte almost dropped that strange machine as her fingers trembled. 

"Erm..yes." she stuttered and immediately her whole body was tense and she could not relax if she knew he was sitting more or less right next to her. Like in her dream this morning.

Sidney felt the same. He had been sitting in the tub five minutes longer than she had, enjoying the pleasant warmth and the tingling on his skin. Closing his eyes and let the water move over his tense body. He had the feeling to relax for the first time in weeks. All thoughts he tried to banish from his mind, his brother and his fight with him and since he did not succeed in doing so, he thought of Miss Heywood. It was a distraction. Of course she was. But it also was dangerous he knew that. Her effect on him could not really be denied, but for after all he was alone in the tub and the room and could do whatever he wanted.

A door opened. Steps of shoes and a pair of naked feet. A soft whisper. Oh no, that wasn't... A wave of shame and heat washed over him and he tried to distract himself with the thought of the fight with his brother. But of course he then saw her crawling out from under the desk. Miss Heywood was quite cute at that moment. Her cheeks flushed. Her look as if she wanted to slap him...

Then he heard her gasping for air. Yes the tub was cold at the beginning. was she naked too? Oh no! What was he thinking? He closed his eyes and immediately tried to push that thought away, but his imagination had a life of its own. It had to stop! Then she giggled and he pulled a face as if he were in pain. His heart pumped deeply.

"That feels good, doesn't it?"

Sidney thought if he talked to her, it would be a good way to take his mind off his unseemly thoughts. But the opposite was the case. The images flooded his mind and he had to admit that he just wanted to hear her voice, her breathless voice. Sliding his hand over his face to gather himself, he thought about a topic, he could bring up, so he wouldn’t think of her in the bathtub next to him. Here with him. Naked. He was worried and really aware of her effects on him. What was she doing to him? Charlotte. And why? But of course he knew the answer to that question.

"Mr Parker?" Charlotte asked timidly.  
"Yes Charl...Miss Heywood?" 

Why did he want to call her by her first name? He knew that, too. in his mind he called her Charlotte. 

He sat up tensely, but closed his eyes as his head went crazy in one breath and painted his brain with scenarios... oh dear... He saw himself washing her back, combed through her wet hair with his fingers, turned her around... to face him.

"When do insurance companies start sending reminders with additional costs?"

"Ermm." Slightly puzzled by the intensity of the images echoing in him, he shook himself and then said absently,

"Yes, I don't know for sure, I never had that."

Although he was glad that she had found a subject that was safe, he knew he had to go. She confused him and he really didn't want to be in any more danger. And so close to her.

"Do you think it's bad?"  
"Hmm?"

He didn't know how to turn off this device and tried to fix it to the edge so that the water wouldn't splash around uncontrollably.

"I mean, is it bad when we..."   
"Yes, that's definitely is!" Sidney answered a bit too harshly, referring more to the images in his head that he couldn't seem to escape. Like he couldn’t escape her. Miss Heywood. Charlotte.

"Oh!" Charlotte then screamed and jumped up.

"What is it?" he asked, his heart pounding excitedly in his chest. 

Did her arm hurt that much? Had she burned herself again?

Already grasping the curtain to help her when she was feeling bad, he silently begged that she would say something. This swirling red blur stretched out in his head again. 

"I just realized...the list! There were the percentages of the additional costs listed in the reminder..."

Sidney didn't understand what she was talking about at all, because his blood was rushing in his ears, had she hurt herself or what she was referring to? Was she hurt? Tell me. Tell me!

"Oh no! No!" She screamed then and in a panic that she her arm was hurting because of the water Sidney pulled the curtain aside.

Just like Charlotte.

Both froze.

Staring at each other.

So suddenly he turned his back to her that he almost slipped and fell. As he clenched his jaws so violently, his teeth gritted. 

Charlotte was in a complete state of shock. Could hardly breathe. Could not move.

Sidney pondered what to do or say as her sight burned into his retina, into his brain. Oh, damn it! 

"Ehh yes... well..." he couldn't make himself say anything, he didn’t know what.

A moment passed. Another. Charlotte breathed heavily, she seemed not to have moved, although of course he did not dare to turn back to her.

"He must pay it immediately!" she shouted and he heard her bare feet running across the tiles and then he heard the door slam and a thud against it.

Sidney admired her all the more. That she was worried about some of Tom’s things and leaving her relaxing bath was amazing. But more of it, that she kept a cool head in a situation like this. Knowing that she was now probably leaning against the door in shock, but that she hadn't run away screaming was admirable, made him realize something.

He had to do something. As he went to the door behind which she had probably disappeared, he put one of the towels around his hips and knocked quietly at the door.

"Miss Heywood..."  
"I have to give Tom the papers!" she cried and he heard clothes rustling.  
"Miss Heywood we have to..."  
"If he doesn't pay it, the insurance won't cover it! It is unimaginable if something happens!" Charlotte shouted excitedly through the door.

"Yes, but Miss Heywood..."

Then he heard another door slam and he knew she was gone.


	4. The reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte runs to Trafalgar House and has to find the reminder in the chaos without being distracted by Sidney. But this is almost impossible...
> 
> He hasn't forgotten the sight of her either and storms after her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me so long, but I wrote a future chapter and was distracted by it ;-)  
> But I hope I can make up for it with this...

Charlotte ran to Trafalgar House in a hurry. She ran directly into Tom's study and was almost close to tears when she saw the chaos.

"Oh Charlotte!" Tom shouted at her "I'm looking for...this drawing...you know. Mr Stringer wants the designs or he can't go on." 

He laughed a little as if it was no big deal and Charlotte walked slowly into the room and looked around.

"Where is the folder?"  
"What folder?" he asked suprised and looked around as if it magically flew across the room.

"There was a reminder in it for the insurance."  
Charlotte declared and went slowly to the desk. 

"This is where I had put it." Pointing to the once tidy desk on which a jumble of papers was now piled up.

"Oh...well." Tom looked around and then shook his head.

"But the reminder!" She exclaimed desperately.

Tom shrugged.  
"Oh, it won't be so bad."

Then he went to his drafts and spread them out on the mess on the desk as if nothing had happened. 

Charlotte had to find the design so she could get rid of Tom and look for the reminder. For a moment she closed her eyes to concentrate, but then Sidney Parker appeared in her thoughts. Naked. Like God or, since this could hardly have been the work of just one, rather the gods had created him. Just like at the cove...only closer. And oh, he was really... impressive.

Shocked by her thoughts, she widened her eyes and held her hand in front of her mouth. What it was like to look at things from so close... this hair that ran down his belly.

"Don't!" she shouted to drive the picture away and Tom looked worried.

"What is it?"  
"Nothing, I'm just... I'm just wondering where it is."  
"What?"

Blushing, she stared at him, fearing for a moment that Tom would know what she had just thought of, with just one look. But without waiting for an answer he continued to rummage through the pile of papers.

Charlotte looked around the mess and found the rough draft of the new designs Tom had made on the table of the town model. She picked it up and looked at it and although she knew it wasn't exactly what Tom was looking for, but perhaps Mr Stringer could do something with it and Tom would finally disappear so she could look for the folder.

And could be alone. With her thoughts. Her confusing and forbidden thoughts. Her brain wandered back again... to the broad shoulders and the shape of his back. When he finally turned around. Her eyes had followed that drop that slowly slid down along his spine. Her fingers stretched as if they wanted to catch that drop. 

Oh, what horrible thoughts she had!

Charlotte shook herself and gave Tom the unfinished draft, and as she hoped, he took it and ran out of the room with it. Carelessly run over papers scattered on the floor. But glad to be alone at last, and with so much work to do, she would not waste a thought on Sidney, erm… Mr Parker. But no sooner had she finished the thought than he appeared in her head again. The sight of his backside was back in front of her inner eye. It had looked all smooth and... 

"Oh this must stop!" she cried desperate and took a short breath before gathering herself.  
"Enough!" She said once again and shook her head and determined, as she had been earlier at Dr Fuchs, she now pushed all thoughts of him aside.

First she collected the papers from the floor to sort them into different stacks. When she was finished, she searched roughly for the folder she had put there this morning, but she couldn't find it. Tom was really unbelievable! Raging like that and messing everything up!

Tears were tingling behind her eyelids as she realised how much work awaited her. And that she should rather spend the time looking for the folder. Somehow she knew it was important. Her inner voice screamed it out to her. Sighing, she started to tidy up the desk again.

Sidney stared at the door behind which Miss Heywood had disappeared. He ran both hands over his heated face to drive the images of her out of his mind. But of course they had been burned into his brain. Knowing this sight he would not forget so quickly, or at all. The thin chemise she was wearing had left no room for imagination. It hung soaking wet on her body. And if there had ever been any doubt about her beauty, it would have been destroyed at that moment.

It must have been a terrible shock for her!

Otherwise she wouldn't have talked such a strange story about some kind of unpaid insurance. As if one would forget something so important! Not even Tom was that scatter-brained.

Good Lord! He had to talk to her. She was an innocent lady, and certainly totally confused. About his appearance and that he had seen her. And how close they'd been. All he had needed to do was reach out and he would have been able to touch her. His body felt a heat at that thought that he knew only too well. Once again she triggered those feelings in him that he had thought he could no longer feel. 

Not only the longing of his heart, but also the desire of his body seemed to have awakened after a long sleep.

"Stop it!"

Sidney ordered himself and went into the small dressing room and changed quickly. Urgently he needed to talk to her, to apologise. Even though he was not the right person to do so, of course, he had to offer to talk to her about her confusing feelings. Under no circumstances was anyone else allowed to know what happened!

Otherwise he would have to ask for her hand! And although this feeling caused a certain lightness in him, he knew that she didn't like him so much to say yes. Whether she liked him at all was the first question, and... Well, he wouldn't survive another rejection anyway, so he wouldn't ask her. No. Or would she say yes?

Why for God's sake did he even think about that?

Hurriedly he ran out of the room, the tie carelessly knotted, the shirt only tucked into the front of his trousers. He almost forgot his hat, but he grabbed it and ran off. Only to be stopped by Dr Fuchs in the next moment.

"Oh mein Herr, I hope everything went to your complete satisfaction?"  
"Of course it did..."  
"Was it soft enough?"

Sidney briefly closed his eyes and saw her soft curves embraced by the wet fabric of her chemise.

“The hardness of the water?”

Sidney nodded as he focused his thoughts on the doctor's questions. 

"How did it feel?" Asked the doctor who apparently was taking notes and Sidney pondered his answer.

The feeling was pleasant, as if he was standing naked in the rain. Although he had never done so. It was light and soft. Tender like the first shy touch of a woman. Although that had never happened to him either. The ladies he had dealt with had never been tender. But he hadn't wanted that either at that time. He wondered if Miss Heywood... 

What? Why was he thinking that?

The doctor cleared his throat, came a little closer and looked around as if he was about to tell Sidney a secret. Annoyed and barely holding on, not rolling his eyes, Sidney puffed and forced himself to a neutral face.

"Since das Fräulein had to leave in such a hurry, I hope nothing... happened?"

Panic gripped his heart and it stopped at least two beats before Sidney had composed himself and raised his eyebrows. What was the man trying to imply?

"Miss Heywood?" He asked a little breathless.  
"She ran out, shouting only that she had to work."  
"Yes, yes...erm, we talked a little, and she thought of something important." 

Suddenly he thought there was actually something to it. And as his thoughts wandered to Tom and his desperate request to help him, he didn't notice that Dr Fuchs was watching him with eagle eyes, looking for the right words.

"I am silent, but you know that if you and Miss Heywood..."

"If we what?" Sidney might have asked a little too harshly.

"Well, you both seemed to be... well, yesterday..." the doctor stuttered.

Sidney looked piercingly at him and the doctor immediately fell silent.

"Dr Fuchs, I would advise you to watch your tongue and not to start any rumours!"

His voice seemed dangerous.

"Yes, of course, Sir... Verzeihung, I only meant that das Fräulein Heywood..."

"Miss. It’s Miss Heywood!” Sidney shouted “She is an honourable young lady and you had better consider letting only one guest try out your strange device in the future!"

"Yes, of course... I beg your pardon..."

"Good day!"

Oh, that was not good. That was not good at all! Sidney hoped that Dr Fuchs would keep his word and above all his mouth shut! If anyone had heard that! 

He ran faster, he had to talk to her.

As he saw Tom discussing with Mr Stringer on the way to Trafalgar House, he knew he would find her alone, as Mary was usually out in the fresh air with the children at that time.

Sidney stormed into Tom's study and the sight in front of him amazed him and made him stop in his movement.

Charlotte knelt on the floor and sorted papers onto stacks of different heights. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair lay around her face in small still damp curls. It seemed as if she was in a hurry as she briefly skimmed the papers in her hands and then placed it on the pile to her left. Sighing deeply and stroking her forehead, he saw her hand tremble and then she put her hand to her mouth, clenched in a small fist. She looked really desperate.

"What is it?"

He asked worriedly and frightened her so much that she fell backwards. She didn't fall over, but landed a bit roughly on her... bottom and he knew that normally they would have smiled about it, but the mood between them had changed.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to scare you."

Sidney admitted in a gentle tone and looked at her with concern. She seemed incredibly stressed. Tired and exhausted. Her dress was all wrinkled and she had not put on her scarf, which the ladies wore in the house in the afternoon. 

Then she nodded and looked up at him shyly. Charlotte suddenly blushed even more when she noticed his look. 

Suddenly she was aware that he had looked at her like that before. That he had seen her. Not only had she seen him. He had seen her! Now he knew what she looked like! Slowly his eyes moved over her body and then he stared at her face. With those contracted eyebrows, that piercing look. Like she had done something wrong.

Then his eyes looked into hers and suddenly had such a gentle expression. And in that moment both knew what the other was thinking and they both lowered their eyes embarrassed.

"Miss Heywood, we should..." he started, but she interrupted him, she really couldn't talk to him about what had happened!

"Find the reminder!"

At first Sidney wanted to protest, but decided to do better. Not wanting her to feel uncomfortable, he nodded before he threw his jacket off on the sofa and knelt down on the floor with her.

Ashamed, Charlotte's lowered her gaze, because his closeness made her thoughts wander again. In the corner of her eye she saw him roll up his shirtsleeves and stared at the muscular forearms that appeared underneath. She had never noticed them before. But of course they matched his upper arms and broad shoulders perfectly.

She made a squeaking sound when she forced herself not to think about the rest.

"What...?"

"It's important, I know... I suddenly realised that's why.... I wanted to talk to Tom. For days!"

She looked at him desperately. 

"Mr Parker, I mean."

Their gazes locked and he smiled at the idea that maybe she sometimes called him by his first name by mistake as well. A warm feeling rose in him, but he ignored it and nodded at her in encouragement.

"We'll find it."

Charlotte could not help but smile slightly and gratefully.  
"I had put it on the table in a folder, but..." 

"Yes, I see what he did..."

For a while they worked their way through the documents silently. They kept looking over to each other, but immediately lowered their eyes so they wouldn't get caught. When they both reached for the same paper and Sidney touched her fingers, everything changed in the blink of an eye.

The hot ray that fought its way through her whole body made her shiver. All the images and confusing feelings of the last days stormed upon her. How he rose naked from the floods, his strong arms that had wrapped around her like a warm blanket. 

The way his gaze wandered over her body. That beautiful body of his, standing before her within reach, now his warm hand on her skin. And the deep warm look of his eyes. It whirled around in her head as if she had been caught by a wave and pulled under water. Charlotte could not breathe. It was incredibly hot, like having a very high fever.

"Miss Heywood..." 

Why did he whisper? Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was dizzy. But one thing she knew, she had to get out of here. Abruptly Charlotte stood up and because the movement was so quick and she had been kneeling on the floor for hours, the room spun around her and suddenly she saw the ceiling above her. And Mr Parker's face. Sidney's face.

Mary's nervous voice reached her ear. Neither of them had even noticed she was back.

"Carry her up, I'll get some water!"

Then she floated. Past the painting in the hallway and although it rustled in her ears and her thoughts whirled around, she couldn't help but compare the painting and the original. Leaning her head closer to his firm chest, she stared at his Adam's apple, lightly covered with the dark shadow of his growing beard. Was the hair soft there?

Then she lay in her bed and his face was so close that she discovered a small mole under his eye. And that his eyes were much brighter than she had always assumed. Why did they always look so dark? Sometimes almost black.

Sidney noticed her gaze and could not tear himself away from her, although he should now really let go. The little golden spots in her eyes he hadn't even noticed yet. And her many little freckles. Her face was pale but he saw that under his gaze her cheeks were slowly turning a shade of pale rose. It was incredibly enchanting.

Slowly he pulled his hands out from under her and slowly leaned up. Her breath went faster. Just like his and he couldn't stop staring at her lips for a moment before he was able to control himself again.

"So Charlotte, here's your water!" cried Mary as she ran into the room and helped Charlotte to drink.

"Thank you." Embarrassed, Charlotte sucked her lips in.

"No wonder you faint, you work too hard and haven't eaten properly for days!" Mary cried worried and shook her head as she gently stroked Charlotte's face.

How Sidney would have loved to do it in her place and looked at Charlotte concerned. He had a feeling it was because of him too and was confirmed when she blushed even more and took her eyes off him.

"Oh, there!" Shouted Charlotte and wanted to sit up but sank down immediatley on her pillow.

Sidney went around the bed and found the folder on her desk.

"I must have put it there when I went to get my coat." 

She explained with a low voice and their eyes met, both knowing at that moment that she would never have just put the folder there and forgotten it. That she would have concentrated better if he had not waited for her at the stairs.

"I'll get you a little snack."

Said the worried Mary and left the room while Sidney skimmed the papers. His face hardened. He clenched his jaws and as he raised his gaze and those deep black eyes pierced hers, a shiver ran through her.

He came closer.


	5. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney is in London and has much on his mind. As well as Charlotte.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you have a nice Sunday and like this new chapter.

Sidney felt the room tightening around him and becoming smaller. It seemed to want to crush him. The numbers on the paper was all he could see, everything else blurred. He gritted his teeth not to scream about this incredible carelessness. If anything had happened, it could have meant ruin for the family!

But fortunately there was Miss Heywood. 

As she lay in her bed, exhausted and probably confused by the scandalous encounter earlier, as if she were getting smaller by the moment. He urgently needed to talk to her, but time was running out and what could he say?

‘I'm sorry I saw you naked.’? But he wasn’t and although it would be better to say something like that, he was sure he couldn’t lie to her anyway.

But that was not important now! He had to think carefully about it. He wouldn't discuss it with his friends this time that was for sure. The innuendos were already enough, and he could literally hear the sayings and questions. ‘Now you're finally even!’, and ‘Are you as impressed as she was with you?’ And Heaven he was! He stroked his face and shook his head.

Still overwhelmed by the feeling that she had saved his family, and worried about her because of this other thing that was causing some heat in him, he turned to her. Charlotte sat leaning against the cushions and she seemed to be freezing because he saw her shivering. Her eyes were big and round, like everything about her.

Enough!

He warned himself. Angry he chased away the thought of what was hidden under this dress and took a step towards her. 

Charlotte straightened up and stretched out her chin, her gaze took on a certain hardness and he knew she was prepared for this moment. But she had nothing to fear.

"Thank you."

Her eyes became soft again and astonishment lay on her features. 

"We have to take care of this right now, it is very serious...."

As he suddenly could see nothing but her dark eyes, he was distracted and forgot what he wanted to say. Suddenly completely different images flooded his head. Her smiles. Her insecurity at the ball. The strength of her, as she apologized. And her playing with the children. Sitting together with Mary, laughing and talking. Everything she did for Tom. She cared for this family, as much as he did. Charlotte had become a part of them at some point in that short time she was here.

"I'm so sorry I forgot..." she began softly, but fell silent as Sidney shook his head.  
"No, thank God you remembered!"

They both froze, by the memory of the moment when she had thought of it and what had happened then.

"Miss Heywood....we should...."

But she nervously interrupted him again, nibbling her fingers.

"I had misplaced it and it would be my fault if..."  
"No, it's Tom's business, not yours!" 

Blazing hot rage rose up in him, he'd like to shake Tom. The things he had risked!

"I know I'm only a guest here, Mr Parker!" She shouted and that little wrinkle between her eyebrows was there again when she stared at him angrily.

"That's not true." 

Sidney interrupted her in the same impudent way, and then blurted out what he was secretly thinking. 

"You're part of the family already!"

Sidney froze. He didn't say that out loud, did he? Somehow he wanted to take it back because her face spoke volumes and when he started he noticed Mary standing at the door with a tray.

Mary gave him a meaningful look, but he didn't feel like interpreting it, and he just gruffly said that he and Tom had to go to London and that she should make sure he was ready to leave in an hour.

With another glance at Charlotte, who was looking at him like she did in the study yesterday morning, he swept out of the room. Only the urgency of the warning in his hand kept him from running into the Inn and getting senselessly drunk. If only Mary had not burst in! 

Sidney clenched his fist and shook his head, not knowing exactly why it bothered him that Mary had interrupted him. It was a good thing she was taking care of Charlotte, but she still seemed like an intruder.

What was he going to say? Charlotte couldn't think of anything else but what exactly he wanted to say after calling her a part of the family. Did he see her as a sister?

At this thought she closed her eyes and felt a cold emptiness inside her. Why this knowledge caused a wave of disappointment in her, she could not say. It was somehow...not fair.

Her astonishment that he had thanked her and had not given a tongue lashing again was not the reason why her heart had beaten so violently, but his face. That handsome face. With those expressive deep eyes in which she was in danger to sink. Fortunately he was now in London for a few days, and then she could take care of the study and perhaps spend a few pleasant evenings with Mary by the fireplace without talking about the business matters with Tom.   
"Now rest after all the trouble."

Ripped Mary's voice Charlotte from her thoughts and smiled at her slightly. 

"But I still have to clean the mess..." Charlotte explained and made an effort to get up.

"No, you're staying in bed now, the last few days have been exciting enough." 

Mary nodded at her knowingly and Charlotte felt her cheeks burning, did she know what had happened?

As Sidney and Tom sat in the carriage, Sidney could no longer hold on and confronted his brother. Tom tried to get out of the affair as usual and tried to blame others.

"I'm sure Charlotte..."

But Sidney interrupted him. He didn't want Tom to blame her in any way.

"You can thank Charlotte for noticing! Imagine if something had happened!"

"Yes, I know she's doing a good job." Reassured Tom.

"A good job? She's... she's just amazing!" Sidney said harshly and ran his hand over his face, knowing that in another situation Tom would have jumped at that statement.

"Yes she helps me immensely... remarkable for such a young lady..."

"Remarkable she is, yes."

And Sidney was lost in thoughts about her again, her laugh, her beautiful body clutching tightly to her wet chemise. He really had a problem! 

Fortunately, he was quite distracted in London by the problem they had to solve. As Tom could no longer get any bank loans, he paid the overdue instalments of the insurance and now declared himself to be the contact person for this matter. Tom was neither grateful nor perhaps embarrassed by this fact. He saw it as a matter of course.

They had tiresome conversations about Sanditon and Lady Denham, but Tom kept mentioning Charlotte. And Sidney caught himself not only listening more closely, but also asking with interest what exactly she was doing. Not only did he want to know what she was actually doing for Tom, but also he absorbed all the little informations he could get about her.

Later, when he was alone and lying in his bed, he sorted out all the information about her and the picture that formed in his head was just too perfect. This should really stop! He shook his head and tried to sleep, freeing his head from all thoughts, but now that her face and body had taken this place, he kept staring at the ceiling.

Mary noticed that Charlotte was very pale and seemed quite unsteady in everything she did. Her mind was elsewhere, and whenever Mary asked her, Charlotte dismissed it as a bit of homesickness. But Mary was almost certain it wasn't homesickness. At least not homesick for home. She watched the reaction to Charlotte's face and figure whenever she mentioned her brother-in-law. The pale face blushed, her eyes wandered nervously around the room. She stretched out her back and, depending on how long she talked about Sidney, Charlotte nibbled on her dress or a pillow and then tried to change the topic of the conversation.

She was sure that Sidney also had feelings for Charlotte. How he had chivalrously torn her into his arms and not let anyone come near her when she was hurt at Lady D’s. She had also watched him tenderly lean over her, worried about her well-being as he had lied her down in her bed, it almost seemed kind of...intimate. Like she wasn't supposed to see that. 

Was there something between the two of them? 

After all, he had described Charlotte as part of the family. That's what she should find out in any case. Although she loved Charlotte very much, she could not bear it if she would break his heart. Mary was sure he would never survive another disappointment in this matter.

Full of mixed feelings she continued to watch Charlotte and was glad that her energy distracted her from her apparent lovesickness. It was actually also far too much what she did. One evening at dinner Charlotte was so tense that she sat bent over the table and Mary let her take a warm bath despite the late hour.

Charlotte was infinitely grateful to Mary for giving her a bath. She longed for relaxation and was happy when the heat embraced and warmed her skin, even if this warmth did not reached her inside. It still felt as if she was completely frozen through. Unless she remembered the thoughts of him. What she had been trying to avoid the last days as much as she could.

But now she leaned against the wall of the tub and began to wash with the soft sponge Mary had given her, it felt soft and yet rough, and as she closed her eyes to relax she saw Sidney. Standing in front of her. And suddenly the stroke of the sponge on her sensitive skin became the caress of his hands.

Ashamed of this image in her head, she opened her eyes, but she could not stop imagining it. It was so scary and forbidden and yet she couldn't resist doing it. 

Questions if it really would feel like this whirled around in her head and at some point she couldn't take it anymore and put the sponge out. Charlotte was cold. Pulling her knees to her chest, she buried her face in shame at her unchaste thoughts. She trembled slightly and hugged herself. Stroking her arm and again images flooded her mind that it was he. Sidney. Her fingers stroking up and down her neck. Her belly was tingling and she became dizzy again.

Charlotte gasped for breath as she continued stroking herself and she knew she had to stop, but it was like an urge. She couldn't stop thinking about his big hands slowly stroking across her arms and shoulders and…. Her body reacted so confusingly and she sighed with a feeling inside her that she could not name. Shocked by the fact how her body reacted. 

"That's not right!" she said loudly and forced herself to get out of the tub.

And although she was so exhausted from the last few days, she couldn't sleep. She felt empty and cold and yet her body was glowing and tingling where he had touched her in her imagination.

Mary was really worried about Charlotte because she looked so pale and yet always heated. She also held her stomach from time to time. Maybe she had caught something and wasn't lovesick like she had thought? Out of concern for her, Mary ordered Dr Fuchs to Trafalgar House. 

But he came to a completely different diagnosis when he checked her.

After not finding anything to indicate that she had the flu or anything more serious, he wanted to have his suspicions confirmed and asked her all too strange questions. He wrote everything down and when he finally took her pulse again and at the same moment the children in the corridor were calling for their father and uncle, he felt her pulse rate more than doubled.

"I guess the gentlemen are back."  
He noticed and saw how her face flushed and she was chewing nervously on her lower lip.

"Will you excuse me for a moment, mein Fräulein?"  
He asked politely and left her room.

It wasn't long before the doctor was back and shortly after him there was a second knock at her door and in expectation of seeing Mary Charlotte called to come in. But to her surprise, Mr Sidney Parker stood in her door.

"Mr Parker!" she called out, blushed and got up quickly.

"Miss Heywood, I hope you are feeling well?" he asked worried, and his gaze went all over her.

Charlotte felt her cheeks glow even more under his gaze and her heart pumped deep in her chest as she thought about what she had been dreaming about for the past week. His face looked exactly like in her imagination. This almost black eyes, his lightly tussled hair.

"I’m well, thank you." 

Her voice was only a husky whisper. Which caused a strange feeling in his chest. A heartbeat long they looked at each other. Another moment passed.

Silence.

"Why are you...?"  
"Dr Fuchs said I should come... I don't know why."

Irritated, the two looked at each other for another moment and than to the doctor. Who was standing at the door, which both didn’t even notice and pulled Sidney into the room and closed the door. Shocked, Charlotte and Sidney looked at the doctor.

"We need to talk."


	6. silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what has Dr Fuchs to tell them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

The doctor stood there and looked back and forth between them. The young lady was pale but her cheeks were flushed, she looked at Mr Parker with big eyes and the doctor pondered briefly how he should bring it up. The best thing to do was just to tell them.

"I am discreet."

Silence.

"But Herr Parker, you can't do that!"

"You've dragged me in here." Said Sidney, slightly confused and about to turn and walk as the doctor kept talking. 

"I expect you to ask for her hand immediately."

Sidney froze in his movement and stared in disbelief at the old man in front of him.

"If that hasn't happened already," the doctor calmly continued.

"But why should I do that?" 

Sidney asked somewhat harshly and the doctor rushed around and looked at the young woman who was now holding on to the dresser next to her bed looked lightly confused.

"What kind of...rude...person are you?" The doctor asked Sidney and shook his head.

"Dr Fuchs?" Charlotte asked worried and only then did Sidney seem to take her in and saw her pale face, but she avoided his gaze.

"You are very different from your honourable Herrn Bruder, but that you...take advantage of a young woman... I insist that you take her as your wife."

Sidney laughed out embarrassed also this confusing thought appeared a few times in his head over the last week it was not what he wanted. He would never marry. Not even her.

"I wouldn't know what to laugh at!" cried the doctor.

"You may insult me further, but why should I do that?" Sidney pulled his eyebrows up and looked questioning at the doctor.

"Look and see what you've done to her!" The doctor's voice grew louder, although he still tried to speak at room level. 

Sidney stared at the doctor and then at Charlotte, who blushed furiously under his gaze and the images of her shocked face down at the cove and in Dr Fuchs' house knocked him down. How had the doctor heard about the encounters? Did she tell him?

"What did I do?" 

Sweat broke out on his forehead. This isn't happening! Had she lost her mind to tell him?

"You know what you did to her!" Doctor Fuchs cried.

"He didn't do anything to me!" 

Charlotte explained, stubbornly stretching her chin forward, trying to stay calm even when her heart in her chest threatened to gallop away. How had the doctor noticed that she had these confusing feelings for him? And why does he want her to marry him? Did he know that she saw him naked and that he saw her? Angrily she looked at Sidney and bored her gaze into his direction. Even though she dropped her gaze, as Sidney looked at her. He had a sense of camaraderie with her, smiling lightly, and wanted to get this nonsense over with as quickly as possible.

"How can you say such a thing, junges Fräulein?" Cried the doctor angrily.  
"Dr Fuchs, control yourself!" Sidney tried to keep him quiet, and stepped a step towards him but the doctor was furious.

"You don't fool me!"

"What do you mean?" 

Charlotte asked quietly and her eyes widened in panic, that he would reveal her innermost secrets. And her pink cheeks took on an even darker, very charming tone, as Sidney observed. Then he sped around and stared at the doctor with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yes, what do you mean?" 

"Just look at your girl!" he demanded. 

And at his words Sidney got a warm feeling inside his chest. He looked over at Charlotte again and wondered if she maybe felt something similar, because she sucked in her lower lip and nibbled at her dress.

"She is pale and yet she has heat flushes, she suffers from loss of appetite, she is nauseous and dizzy."

Charlotte starred at the doctor and opened her moth to say something but kept silent.

"I am very sorry, Miss Heywood," worried Sidney looked at her.  
"But what have I to do with it, Doctor Fuchs?"

Sidney asked angrily and although Charlotte found it incredibly impertinent that the doctor had told him and although it was his fault that she felt this way, it was really none of his business!

"Nothing."

She admitted softly and Sidney couldn't shake the feeling that this was a lie. He stared at her further with his penetrating gaze and the doctor puffed angrily.

"Mr Parker!" 

The older man shook his head in disbelief, then stretched his head up to Sidney and said between clenched teeth "You have taken advantage of the young lady, dishonoured her and I will now see to it that you both get married!"

Charlotte gasped for breath, but Sidney demanded angrily.

"Apologize immediately!" 

He towered over the doctor by two heads and now seemed to grow wider and taller.

"Miss Heywood is an honourable young lady..."

"You seem to have forgotten that," the doctor grumbled.

"You can think what you like about me, but I would never touch her!"

Oh that hurt. Charlotte could hardly breathe. She held her hand to her chest, thinking her heart would break into a thousand pieces. Knowing that he didn't like her was one thing, but hearing that so directly made it a thousand times worse. Desperately she searched for words, but did not know how to speak anymore.

"I hate men like you who seduce young women and then get out of the responsibility." The doctor's voice was cutting.

"Excuse me?" cried Charlotte, who desperately held on to her dresser with eyes wide open and stared at the doctor shocked.

"I would never disgrace Charlotte!" 

Sidney shouted, but his voice seemed fragile and hollow. He stared at the floor and Charlottes saw how firmly he clenched his jaw. His body was tense to the bone and his face was all red.

"Why do you say that?"  
Charlotte's voice was barely audible. She looked at the doctor, shaking her head.

"You are pregnant! Himmel noch mal!"

Sidney closed his eyes and tried to turn away. Charlotte gasped and wiped her face and took a deep breath.

"But I'm not married," she said calmly, as if that would explain everything.

"Who was it?" Sidney couldn't look at her. He felt like he'd been beaten. And pressed under water. He couldn't breathe. The roar in his ears spun the question he had asked over and over again in his head. He never thought it was possible that she was like that! He was so disappointed. Who was it? Who had touched her? 

"Who was what?" 

She snapped angrily and it slowly dawned on her what the two men in front of her were thinking. Shocked, tears came to her eyes.

"How dare you?" she whispered and Sidney wasn't sure if she meant him or the doctor.

Charlotte feared she would faint again. The whole room was spinning rapidly. Her breathing went shallow and fast.

"But the symptoms..." the doctor began worriedly that he maybe made a mistake.

"I'm just lovesick... homesick, I mean." Charlotte closed her eyes and felt her cheeks burn brightly.

"But you haven't had that special time either..." said the doctor and Charlotte sobbed out lout, the embarrassment was bad enough, but Mr Parker was still standing in her room and hearing all this!

"This happens sometimes," she explained quietly and turned to the wall, she wanted to disappear in the wallpaper and prayed that it was all just a bad dream. She couldn't believe what was happening.

"When I'm feeling stressed."

"But...I have seen how you two...you are..." began the doctor, who in the next moment wished he had never addressed the subject.

The two young people spun around and came towards him. And the doctor felt as if someone pressed down on his lungs.

"What are you trying to say?" Tears of anger welled up in Charlotte's eyes, how could he think such a thing of her?

"I would never touch her!" cried Sidney at the same moment.

"You said that already, I'm not deaf." Shouted Charlotte, she bored her gaze into his. Sidney was a little taken aback, but still wanted to smooth the waves. 

"I didn't mean it that way."  
"Oh, no, how then?"  
"That I wouldn't touch you before our wedding."  
"That's not what it sounded earlier!"  
"Oh really, how it sounded then?"  
"Like it disgusts you to even think about it!"  
"I certainly did not mean that! I can assure you!" Sidney laughed and drove his hand through his hair, the images of her half naked filled his mind and he closed his eyes to gather himself.

"Yes, yes. Sure!" Gave Charlotte back sarcastically.  
"I think about nothing else all the time!" he yelled, and Charlotte fired back in a rage.  
"That's not proper!"  
"I know that, but you're doing that to me!"  
"I do that to you?"  
"Yes!"  
"Unbelievable!" She shook her head. "And what do you think are you doing to me?"  
"I didn’t do anything!"  
"Of course you are…you are confusing me!" Charlotte yelled back her breath went fast and shortly his eyes wandered to her cleavage.

"But it wasn't fair of you to ambush me like that!" He said in a lower voice and tried to avoid her gaze, but couldn’t look away from her dark eyes. And this long eyelashes which cast shadows on her cheeks. 

"I did not!"

He puffed.

"Otherwise you probably did it on purpose at Dr Fuchs' place!" She accused him.  
"Never!" He angrily looked her in the eyes as he stepped even closer.  
"Then why did it happen?"  
"I couldn’t bare the thought you'd hurt yourself again!" He shouted.

Silence.

"But of course it shouldn't have happened." He tried to get his voice under control.  
"No, of course not." She admitted calmly.  
"Forgive me."

This quiet request only made things worse for Charlotte. She nodded and turned her head away, but he saw tears flashing in her eyes.

"But what Dr Fuchs said would never happen!"  
"I know." 

Charlotte nodded and looked down on the floor. There was a cold ball in her chest and her whole body felt like frozen.

"It would only happen after our wedding!" He explained harshly.  
"As if I would marry you!" Charlotte snapped.

"I know that will never happen!"  
"Why should it? I'm just annoying you!" She said angrily and her gaze burned in his eyes.  
"And you don't like me!"  
"That's not true at all!" 

"Oh no?" for a moment the two of them were lost in the eyes of the other and did not notice that the doctor had long retired from the room, breathing heavily.

"You don't like me." Charlotte's voice was a barely audible whisper.  
"Charl..."  
"I'm just a little girl with little experience." She continued.

"I was angry then!"  
"For no reason."  
"You insulted my brothers." his voice was loud again.  
"And for that, I have apologized."  
"Yes, you did." He finally gave in and came half a step closer.

"Why are you always so mean to me?" she asked and the look in her deep brown eyes almost took his breath away.  
"I'm not."  
"Yes, you are. You always are."

Charlotte turned away, because somehow the fire of anger had gone out and she felt burned out and empty.

"Please forgive me," he said softly and touched her gently on the arm.

Charlotte gasped for air, because where he had touched her the imprint of his fingers burned deep under her skin. She withdrew her arm.

"I knew I disgusted you." He sounded hurt.

"I thought you weren't touching me until after our wedding." 

Charlotte said quietly in a harshly tone, and stretched out her chin again. Their eyes locked and her hurt expression touched him inside. He reached for her but drew back his hand and clenched his jaw. In her mind, she laughed bitterly at this cruel joke. He would never touch her like she had imagined it in her dreams. 

"Probably not even then." Charlotte didn’t mean to say that out loud and blushes ashamed about her confusing feelings and this encounter with Dr Fuchs. Her head was thumping and she touched her forehead.

Had he just heard right? Sidney's heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted to say something, but didn't know exactly what. 

"Believe me, I would."

He admitted against his will and felt as if he was standing naked in front of her again. Only this time it was much worse.

Silence.

"What are you saying?" 

She looked up at him and their eyes locked again. His gaze dropped and he looked away. Her heart was hammering in her chest.

"But you don't like me." She muttered and it sounded like an angry question. Her throat was tightening.

"I never said that." He grumbled back.


	7. misunderstood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First there is more confusion, but then Sidney realises some things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay but I was not able to write for a few days.

Shocked and surprised by his own words, Sidney stared at Charlotte for a moment, but she couldn't find the words to say anything either. 

"But it doesn't change anything."

He explained soundlessly, bowed slightly and turned around to leave the room.

"This is just so typical of you!"

Charlotte cried and walked energetically towards him, not knowing that he would stop at the door.

"Against your words, you leave me standing instead of..."  
"Instead of what?"

Sidney spun around and Charlotte had to raise her head to look him in the eyes, so close they suddenly stood in front of each other. Their gazes became entangled and Sidney couldn't help it, his eyes gazing on her lips which, slightly opened, were a pale rose-coloured seduction. He had to get away from here, from her. Now!

He ripped open the door and ran out of the room. 

"What?"

Breathed Charlotte. Her head pounded as hard as her heart. This whole encounter was really... incomprehensible. And then he just left her standing there without really talking to her. What did he mean by all of that? Oh, her headache got worse with every thought. She needed fresh air. Grabbing her coat and bonnet she left the room a few moments after him and crept down the stairs, not wanting to see anyone or be asked what the doctor had said or what Sidney had done in her room.

She first had to figure out for herself what was being said. What he meant by that and why he left her after he more or less said that he liked her. He did, didn't he?

Deep in thought she walked past the salon.

"Oh Charlotte!" 

Tom called to her and grabbed her by the arm and enthusiastically pulled her into the room, where a smiling Mary greeted her. Sidney stood behind her with a not so happy expression on his face and Charlotte let her gaze drop from him and looked up at Tom questioningly.

"We must toast to good fortune!"  
He cried, let go of her arm and fetched a glass of wine for her.

"Splendid! Splendid!"

Tom seemed overjoyed and Charlotte smiled at him, probably had something to do with the insurance that made him seem so happy. Mary took Charlotte's hand and pulled her to her side.

"Oh Charlotte, I'm so glad you're not seriously ill," Mary said with a happy grin and patted Charlotte's hand. "What longing and heartache does to one. Doesn't it?"

She looked reproachfully at Sidney, who watched with astonishment and a certain satisfaction as Charlotte lowered her eyes again, blushing deeply.

"I was just a little homesick."

She answered shyly and Sidney remembered she said that before. But he didn’t believe it. A warm feeling spread in his chest and his heart made a strange double beat. Could it be? Could it really be?

"These two saved us, Mary!" Tom explained and cheered on Charlotte and his brother.

"I know, Tom." 

"And there's more to celebrate!"   
Tom lowered his voice but raised his glass and gave Sidney a nod of encouragement.

Sidney did not know what was happening to him and suddenly had a glass in his hand as well and looked at his brother questioningly. Tom slapped his brother violently on the back several times and then urged him to say something, but Sidney remained silent and looked over at Charlotte almost desperately as if she could help him somehow.

"Well, you've got something to tell us." Exclaimed Tom excitedly.

"Tom, you can tell."

"Oh, no, no! You have done it." Cried Tom laughing and shaking his head.

"Fortunately, Miss Heywood discovered the reminder and we were able to pay the overdue instalment." Sidney explained with a proud look over to Charlotte, who smiled slightly back at him.

"Now tell what else you've done!" 

Tom demanded excitedly and Sidney was really not sure why he had to say it out loud, he was uncomfortable that Tom wanted to make such a big deal out of it. Especially because it did not make him look good. Quite untypical for Tom.

"I will pay the monthly insurance rates."

It sounded more like a question and Sidney watched his brother sharing an amused gaze with his wife.

"But there are better news, aren't there?" 

Tom asked and pulled his brother to his side. It slowly dawned on Sidney that Tom and Mary were imagining something that would only lead to more embarrassment.

"What are you saying, Tom?"

He asked through clenched teeth and dared to risk a look to Charlotte who was looking at him at that very moment and both knew they shared the same thought. 

"What are you going to do that's so important?" Did Mary ask Charlotte "After the wedding?"

"But...?"   
"What...?"

"That was all we could hear!" laughed Mary and Tom interrupted her enthusiastically. 

"I hope you're not discussing going on a trip, you've to stay here! I need you here. Both of you!"

Charlotte stared at Sidney and he stared back just as speechless, but not really surprised. They had argued rather loudly.

"But why...?"   
"We just...it was…?"

They both stuttered.

"You've been up there alone for quite a while now and if Dr Fuchs hadn't given us a hint, it would have been a bit of a scandal, but this is …just so wonderful!"

Tom and Mary laughed. 

"I'm so happy for you," cried Mary as she stepped to Sidney and hugged him firmly.  
"It's so wonderful that you've found each other!"

"Mary, really, it's not..." 

Sidney cleared his throat and could not take his eyes off Charlotte, who had gone completely pale again.

"I know it's still fresh...but I knew it from the start." Mary stroked his cheek with understanding. "Your feelings for her so obvious."

"And well planned, I tell you!"   
Cried Tom as he took Charlotte's hand and patted it brotherly.

"You must know he talked about you all the time in London and in the carriage and he was so... I'd say he was distracted not to be here with you!" He laughed and explained further "He even ate anchovy paste that he had never done before!"

Charlotte and Sidney froze. With their eyes wide open they looked at each other in shock. They blanked out everything else. The room dissolved. They only perceived each other. Not Tom's excited babbling, not Mary's questions about whether he had been to Willingden. They knew nothing about each other. But one thing was clear to them both at that moment. 

A few people believed they belonged together.

Charlotte opened her mouth to say something, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to interrupt Mary and Tom in their blissful ecstasy. She put her hand over her mouth. It was hard for her to swallow or breathe. Desperately, she looked at Sidney, whose face reflected the same feelings as her innermost self.  
He started to say something too, but the turmoil that was going on inside his mind prevented him from thinking clearly. 

"When will it happen?" Tom then asked, not waiting for an answer but continuing to talk.  
"We must somehow make it so that all our friends from London come too, so we can promote Sanditon!"

"But Tom!" cried Mary, shaking her head "Charlotte must marry at home, what would her parents say?"

"Oh, Sidney, you'll fix it, won't you?" 

And the room fell silent.

Sidney looked worried at Charlotte. He had to end the whole thing and explain to them that it was all a big misunderstanding. All their eyes were on him, they expected him to tell them how they want to do it. Even when they will not do it at all. He has to sort it out, of course. They all relied on him. Just like Tom in London. 

"It would really be too sad if we couldn't celebrate it here!" Tom cried and took a sip of his wine.

Charlotte eyes were fixed on him, he knew she relied on him, to fix this mess. She nodded lightly in his direction and he was sure she knew he would fix it. Yes, he had to say something, but for once Sidney would love not to be the one to take responsibility. He would have liked to share the task of taking away the joy of the two of them. Of himself for this tiny of moments where he liked this whole wedding nonsense. Sighing, he closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself.

"This will not happen!" 

At the sound of her quiet hoarse voice his head shot up and although it was only natural and right that the misunderstanding should be cleared up, a lump of disappointment was building up inside him. Their eyes locked again.

And both had the feeling as if they talked without a word, there was a simple understanding in the way they looked at each other. In this very moment they felt what the other tried to suppress.

"Oh, Charlotte fantastic!" cried Tom and took her in his arms and she looked at him in shock. 

"Great, great!" Tom kept shouting, talking more to himself than to anyone else in the room as he planned a summer wedding for the two of them.

"But no, I meant..." cried Charlotte desperately and all the back and forth, this big misunderstanding, the unrequited feelings, the images in her head made her gasp desperately for breath.

"Tom, that is enough!"

Sidney's voice was loud and Tom fell silent immediately when he saw how pale Charlotte had become and how desperate she looked at Sidney who grabbed her arm and led her to one of the chairs she could sit on.

"But..." Tom began, but Mary interrupted him with a voice that would not tolerate any argument "We'll leave them alone for a moment."

Charlotte put her arm on the table and hid her face in her hand. Now she was alone with him again, after all the talk and the embarrassing realization that he now knew she missed him, that she had feelings for him. Oh this was all so horrible!

Sidney sat down on the chair next to her and took her hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Her small hand was freezing cold, but instead of taking it away from him, Charlotte enjoyed his warmth while keeping her eyes closed. She knew this would probably be the last moment they would spend together like this. He would now suggest how they would tell Mary and Tom and then he would avoid all contact with her to avoid any further rumours.

They remained silent for a while and it was only when Charlotte's hand answered the grip of his fingers that he noticed that he was still holding it.

"I'm so sorry about all this."

He began quietly, staring at their united hands.  
"I know we should..."

"Yes."

She admitted, although she didn't know exactly what he wanted to say, and now she managed to remove her hand from his grip. Looking at it as if she could make it visible how his hand had felt. A great heavy sadness overwhelmed her.

"But I can't." He said in a strong voice.

For a moment she looked up at him, but immediately lowered her eyes as she realized how close he was sitting. Probably she should stand up and bring some distance between them but she couldn't. She wanted to savour this last moments to the end.

"I erm..."

Sidney stood up and did what Charlotte had not been able to do and she briefly closed her eyes to suppress the stabbing pain inside her.

"I never thought I would like the imagination of marriage, I thought I was ill-suited."

Explained Sidney looking out of the window. He searched his brain for the right words to say, maybe he should tell her some truths, but she interrupted his thoughts.

"You don't have to talk to me about it," Charlotte wanted to keep the conversation as short as possible "It was all a big misunderstanding. Dr Fuchs..."

Angrily he interrupted her.

"He must apologise to you, how he can think such things makes me furious."

"Yes, it is what it is. We have to explain it to him."

"There's nothing to explain." 

He bluffed and Charlotte nodded at his back, yes, he was right. No more explanations were necessary. Too much had already been said. They fell back into silence. How could they get out of this situation? Both knew that the other was at least a little bit interested in the other. Had thought about the other and their encounters.

It was difficult for Sidney to find the right words. He was confused and yet he felt a security in a certain aspect. But how could he tell her that?

"I hope there's no damage to your reputation and..."

"I hope so too."

"Hopefully he didn't spread any more nonsense."

"Nonsense?"

Charlotte made a strange noise. The anger came suddenly back like thunder and she had to stand up to get rid of her energy or she would start screaming.

"Yeah, well... we have to be careful."

"Careful of what?"

Sidney turned to her and looked at her with his eyebrows pulled together. 

"That we... well, we shouldn’t... well, your reputation…"

"My reputation is none of your business."

"Of course it is." He disagreed vehemently.  
"This is a misunderstanding. You do not need to feel obliged to save my reputation."

"But I am…"

"You are feeling obliged because everyone expects it." She shook her head. "They interpret our... our feelings for each other wrong. We don't like each other... not like this or more you don't like me...this way…"

Why did she say that again? She closed her eyes in disbelieve about her own words, she probably wanted to hear it from him, so that her stupid heart finally understood.

"You have no idea, don't you?"

Charlotte looked at him across the room and his fingers twitched as he imagined to wish away this wrinkle between her eyebrows.

"I want you to think about it. I mean what I said. I never said I don't like you." Sidney let his gaze drop to the floor and admitted, "It's quite the opposite." 

"But…I assume…"

"I thought I would not want to get married, that I could ever again want someone..." He interrupted and looked back into her eyes.

"But you don’t want me." Charlotte finished his sentence, with a jerk of her chin. Stubborn.

"For god’s sake, I want you!" He shouted.  
"It's against my will. But...with you. The thought of you as my… my wife… is just… I want.." He trailed off.

Tears shone in her eyes. 

"What do you want, Mr Parker?"

Their eyes locked again and they both could barely breath. For a moment everything stood silent. Only the creaking of the fire was heard. 

"I want you to call me not Mr Parker ever again."

Charlotte was breathing heavily as he took a few steps towards her. She swallowed and breathed with her mouth open, fearing she would not get enough air.

"What shall I call you?" Her breathless voice sent a shiver down his spine.

"Sidney. Just Sidney."

He smiled. This incredible beautiful smile. Charlotte gasped for breath and did not know what to say, her head was empty. 

"Do you understand?"


	8. nearly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two finally start talking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your kudos, lovely comments and kind support. I can't tell you how much this means to me.

Sidney stood only a few steps away from her, yet he seemed miles away. His gaze sank slowly to the floor between them and his face got a painful expression as if he remembered something sad. And he did. 

Once he had felt something for someone, although it had been quite different then. Not so... intense. And although he had tried to suppress it, he knew exactly how he felt about Charlotte, of course. And he meant what he had said. The thought that she could become his wife was so unbelievable beyond anything he had imagined in the last ten years, yet it was the only thing he could imagine. It was she or no one. It was a truth that had become firmly anchored in him in the last hours. Hope. It, no she brought back hope for happiness. For his own happiness. It was in her hands. Sidney wondered if she had understood. Deeply he looked her in the eyes over the distance of the room.

"I'm not sure."

Charlotte answered truthfully in a somewhat obstinate manner. She even stretched out her chin in this stubborn way, somehow feeling she had to defend herself, although she couldn't say why. Her head was empty and throbbing painfully, like her heart. Some fresh air was needed to help her think clearly again.

For a moment they stared at each other. 

Sidney let his gaze wander over Charlotte as she stood tensely at the table, one hand firmly clawed into the fabric of her coat, the other hand so tightly wrapped around the back of the chair that her knuckles came out white.

He knew the whole situation must have shocked her violently. The assumptions of Dr Fuchs and of course their meetings, the misunderstandings and his confusion. He had to assure her that everything was all right and that nothing would happen that she didn't want to. But first he wanted to find out exactly what that was.

Did he get it right? Did she like him as well? Or was this another of their misunderstood conversations?

He should definitely find out. Nodding to encourage himself he took a step towards her when he had found the strength to do so, he took another. Charlotte kept her eyes fixed on him. Neither did she step back, nor did she seem to be uncomfortable with him coming closer. Well, it was broad daylight, Mary and Tom close by, what could happen?

"Miss Heywood."

Completely unexpectedly he felt something very cold. Had he just taken her hand without permission? But...oh, she let him take it. Her small fingers nestled up against his as if they belonged together. It felt incredible. Sidney had to smile slightly.

Astonished Charlotte noticed that he touched her lightly on the hand, which was already numb from her firm grip on her coat. And strangely enough, not only her fingers relaxed but the rest of her limbs, her whole body as well. His big warm hand surrounded hers and it was such a beautiful, exciting feeling to feel his skin on hers. Even though his fingers were a little rough, they felt incredibly pleasant. Although his gentle caress on the back of her hand made her breath faster.

"We should..."

"Yes?"

Charlotte could hardly stand how many times he had started with these words and yet never spoke any further! Squeezing her lips tightly together, she waited eagerly for him to continue. 

Sidney opened his mouth as he came another step closer. Her heart was beating so hard even her well-healed wound was pulsating. The roar in her head became even louder. The headache was no longer noticeable but rather a dreamlike dullness. This feeling that came over her before she really woke up in the morning before sunrise or before she no longer saw anything but darkness and fell asleep. It felt like mist in her head. Blinking a few times to make sure she wasn't in another one of her unrealistic dreams, she gathered herself for his words and straighten her back.

"Well, I'd like to..."

Looking into her beautiful face he get lost in her eyes and he lost the thread for a moment and could not speak further for several breaths. This expression. Expectation and also a little fear and something he couldn't name. Only her quiet, breathless

"Yes?"

brought Sidney back from his trance-like state and he had to grin about the distraction. What was she doing to him to make him lose himself completely in the sight of those big chocolate brown eyes, with these dense long lashes? He wanted to dive into them and enjoy their warmth. With his heart pounding up to his throat, he had to say it quickly so it was finally out.

"Talk."

In relief he could suddenly breathe properly again and was glad that she allowed him to hold her hand with both of his. Looking down at this sensation the urge in him rose to lift it to his lips and kiss all the small fingers. It was almost overpowering, but he held back and waited for her answer.

His hoarse suggestion had constricted her throat, although she could not say why and it was not really unpleasant, but at first she could not answer. Charlotte followed his gaze and noticed with astonishment that he held her hand at chest level, almost pressed against his waistcoat above his heart and looked at it as if he wanted to memorize it. But that was not the most remarkable thing. Sidney stroked the delicate skin of the back of her hand in a quiet, almost tender, slow rhythm with both thumbs. Charlotte was thinking he was tracing every single vein, tendon and freckle on it. 

"Yes."

That was all she was capable of, but she gave her soft words the necessary importance with an eager nod of her head. Yes, they need to talk. About the events that had led to the conversation in her room and Tom's hasty wedding plans. And all those confusing feelings that his words and actions triggered in her.

Did he mean what he said? 

Well, he said so but he said so many confusing things. Somehow he was always contradicting himself. In her room he had pointed out that he had never said that he didn't like her, but maybe it meant something completely different from what she wanted. Did it really mean that he liked her or was it just an explanation of his complete indifference? But then he wouldn't hold her hand and look at it as if he wanted to press it to his heart, right?

As if he could hear her thought Sidney raised his eyes just in this moment and smiled at her almost shyly. No not shyly. Insecure. No not insecure, it was Sidney Parker after all… but oh, this boyishly charming crooked smile. 

Charlotte sighed. 

At that moment she knew she was totally, hopelessly and inevitably lost. Lost in him and his eyes. Black ebony. With a clearly visible glowing flame. Yes. What? Did she really thought that? 

When his look dripped on her lips, it was completely over with just one clear thought in her mind and she did the same. And at the sight of his slightly open, soft looking lips, only one thought was left in her mind. What would they feel like?

Oh, did he just bend his head closer to her? Questioningly she looked into his eyes again, which were even darker than a moment ago and he seemed to ask the same question, which she answered by looking back at this full lips. His breath tickled hers, her forehead was tingling as his almost touched her. The warmth that rose in her was almost uncomfortably hot on her back, so that she suddenly thought she was standing next to the fireplace.

The grip of her still cold fingers on his grew stronger and Sidney was aware of the incredible thing he was about to do, but he had to do it so she knew what was going on. For once, action was required, not stammering words. They would explain and talk later, but this would perhaps ease the unbearable tension between them. He needed to feel her. The tingle from his stomach reached his heart and made it double beat as he realised she was closing her eyes. A warm feeling filled his chest that he had never felt before.

To be honest, he hadn't felt the urge then that he does feel now. No it was not even close to this knowledge inside him he felt now with her. It was... a truth. A certain kind of trust which he suddenly felt that he dared to open up to her.

His skin was tingling everywhere he was close to her skin. Lips were prickling as he felt her rising breath on them. It was only one thing, one last thought left in his head.

Charlotte. 

Her warmth, not common innocence and enchanting loveliness shone out of her. The sweet fragrance of her caressed him like a light breeze on an early spring morning. Like a light touch. Almost. Almost his lips lay on hers. They nearly melted together and this feeling burned into him without him giving in to the desire to grab her. 

Slowly! 

He inhaled her sweet lips once more. Oh, in a moment… he already brushed her softness and was sure she tenderly reached for his lips. 

"Come on, we're going to the beach!" cried Tom and rushed into the room.

Immediately they parted and took a step back, but were almost unable to let go of their hands, which they both looked at. Shocked they stared at Tom with flushed cheeks. But he was, as so often, completely unaware of what he had almost witnessed and persuaded them to leave with big gestures.

"Come, come Sidney, get your coat." 

"Tom! We just…" began Sidney angrily, at that moment he wanted to slap his brother. 

"Don't worry, I won't say another word about your engagement until you make it official." Tom explained with a glance at Charlotte and cheerfully exclaimed.

"Ah, I see you're already done!" He offered her his arm and explained, laughing.  
"Let’s go outside... " and continued in a half loud whisper “my future sister-in-law."

Still slightly dazed from the moment before, Charlotte clung on to Tom's arm as if she was afraid of losing her footing the next moment. 

Had she just imagined all this or did she really just almost let Sidney kiss her?

An incredible beautiful little smile played around her lips, because she still had an idea from the light feeling she had felt. This feeling, like standing on top of the hayloft and letting herself fall into the hay piled up underneath her. This brief moment of being lifted from the ground, of flying.

But then the pain in her head began again and only now did she feel her heart beating deeply in her chest. Her thoughts fell through her head in confusion and she dared to look over her shoulder back to Sidney, whose slightly distant gaze now rested on his brother and grew even darker in the blink of an eye.

Charlotte swallowed at the sight of him, she didn't know exactly why and what it meant, but deep inside her stomach... very deep down, inside her stomach it was tingling. And a hot shiver swam up her body from there, made her heart skip a beat. She felt her cheeks glow as he put his gaze back on her.

The anger at Tom for having interrupted this magical moment and the desire to have her back standing before him like that again mingled with these other intense feelings of what he felt for her and had been trying to suppress for weeks. Longing and craving, mixed together with the need to embrace her and call her 'his'. His Charlotte. His dearest Charlotte.

Oh, damn it! He was so hopelessly under her spell. But if he was honest, he didn't mind the slightest. Because he knew he could trust her. Trust her with his heart. And in this moment his spinning mind calmed down. 

Their eyes locked and Sidney smiled softly at her and knew that even if they hadn't done what they were about to do, she would have let it happen. That was answer enough.

For now.


	9. The beach walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Parkers go to the beach and Charlotte and Sidney finally have to clarify what it is happening between them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to say sorry again for Tom-the worst-Parker in the last chapter... but as you know I find him extremely annoying.
> 
> I really hope I can make up for it with this chapter.

To put her thoughts in order Charlotte ran ahead with the children. She really couldn't take Tom's constant hinting and teasing any longer and Mary would probably want to know details of when it happened and how he had asked for her hand. And she certainly didn't want to lie or stutter around. And besides, they hardly knew each other. What her parents would say!

On the beach she had to wait for the others, because she didn't know in which direction Tom wanted to walk. The children jumped around her and sang a funny song, which finally made her forget her worries for a short time and she finally relaxed a bit. Which was over immediately when the other three arrived on the beach.

Their eyes met. Sidney looked at her slightly embarrassed and his eyes seemed to wonder if she was alright. Charlotte took a breath and let her gaze wander to the sea, she couldn't stand his gaze and his closeness now. After what almost happened. He certainly knew now what she was feeling and although he had made her feel he wanted the same, she couldn't really be sure, or could she? 

And what was much worse, if Tom had arrived a moment later, she would not have been able to deny any more, that there was something between them. In doing so, they would have definitely given the rumours the truth she secretly wished for, but which should have been reconsidered first. They did not know each other at all!

Deep in thought she ran with the Parkers towards the waterline and as Mary approached, Charlotte braced herself for a question thunderstorm, and was wondering what to say.

"Well, Charlotte, this is all rather new and thrilling, isn't it?"  
"Yes." And that was the truth.  
"Don't worry, I forbid Tom to say anything until your parents know about it."  
"I appreciate that." She really did.  
"Tom just needs something to cheer him up... the insurance thing has hit him harder than he'd like to admit."  
"But he seemed so happy that everything turned out well."  
"He is, of course... but I know he's upset he missed it and Sidney had to help him out again."

Again? Astonished, Charlotte looked over her shoulder back at the two brothers, who seemed to have a discussion. Tom had made her believe that Sidney was not someone you could really rely on.

"You must learn to read between the lines." Said Mary, patting Charlotte's arm. "Although I think you're doing just fine."

"Do you really think so?" Charlotte asked surprised.

"Well, I mean he is the sensible brother, you were definitely right, even if he tries to hide it behind his rough facade."

Embarrassed that Mary knew about it, Charlotte stopped and looked at her friend. But she just smiled at her, looked behind Charlotte, smiled even more and then went after her children. Charlotte looked after her and could only take one more breath before she felt him standing next to her. She didn't dare look at him, but stared at Tom who went to his wife and offered her his arm as they walked on.

Sidney bent his head slightly, smiled softly and pointed with his hand holding his hat to continue walking in that direction. Charlotte looked him in the face for only a moment, but it had already been too long. She blushed and let her gaze fall on the wet sand before her.

They walked silently behind the others for a few minutes. And although it could have been embarrassing, it felt strangely familiar and pleasant. Her shoulder almost touched his arm, but she did not move away from him. Charlotte wanted to get closer, but held back of doing so.

The silence between them dragged on and Sidney was aware that he had to take the opportunity to talk to her. Here no one would be able to listen to them secretly without them knowing and here in public he could not completely forget himself and kiss her.

Although it had been such a nice feeling and he regretted that Tom had come in at that moment, he was also afraid that if they will kiss at any time, he might go too far. Surely a real engagement could then no longer be ruled out, but he wanted her to want him and not have to take him.

Sidney looked down at her from time to time, searching for her gaze, which she kept firmly directed forward, probably to avoid his eyes. Only a few hours ago this would have hurt him, but now he thought he knew she was only doing it to avoid revealing her true feelings. But she had already done so when she had closed her eyes earlier and expected his kiss. Sidney smiled at the memory. He encouraged himself and began with the long overdue conversation.

"Miss Heywood."  
"Mr Parker?"

They exchanged a quick glance, and although they both kept a straight face, the smile was visible in their eyes.

"Could I ask you a favour?"

Surprised, Charlotte looked up at him and nodded, barely noticeable, but then looked forward again.

"Could you please always be honest with me?"

Charlotte couldn't help herself and laughed for a short moment. But immediately she stopped and looked up the beach for a moment to collect herself.

"What?" 

Oh! What this rough voice did with her.

"Well, I thought I was a little too honest with you in the past."

Sidney chuckled briefly and looked at his shoes as if they could help him during this conversation. Still grinning, he then said.

"You were a stranger who insulted my brothers..."

Charlotte sighed, would this stand between them forever? Could he never forgive her for this impertinence?

"I mean, you're right in a way, but at that moment, I thought it was outrageous." He explained.

"You made that clear, yes." Shortly she remembered their meeting on the balcony.

"Perhaps you have caught me on the wrong foot."

Impishly he looked at her, and Charlotte shook her head, because she knew that with this look alone, he would always get her. But to avoid this feeling clouding her mind, she asked.

"Did you really believe what you were saying?"

Sidney puffed, knowing that she would now put him through the wringer and throw at him everything he had done wrong in their brief acquaintance. That was Charlotte. She didn't give in and would probably smell it immediately if he didn't tell the whole truth.

"At that moment, I did, because I was convinced you were like every other young lady."

Gritting his teeth at the small memory why it was so. They looked at each other for a moment and the light smile that played around their mouths disappeared.

"And you don't think so anymore?"

"No."

Then they were silent again for a short while and stopped a few steps behind Mary and Tom, who were watching the sunset glittering on the water.

Charlotte also stared at the horizon, which had turned slightly orange, and breathed in the refreshing air.

Sidney watched her face as it turned up at the sky more relaxed than a few minutes earlier and let the sun caress it. It was almost as if the sun was shining from her face, from her eyes, and he wanted, no, he needed her to look back at him.

"I lied."

Surprised, her face snapped to him. The small wrinkle between her eyebrows was there and her face was tense again. The question she silently asked him was drawn over her face. But before she could ask it, he already gave her the answer.

"When I said I wouldn't think of you at all." 

His warm voice felt velvety soft on her skin and Charlotte couldn't stop her heart from making that strange leap. Stunned and somehow relieved, she stammered an answer.

"Oh, ah, well."

Her cheeks became incredibly hot again and she knew it wasn't from the setting sun. Then she realised that she had to be honest as well and she prepared herself for his question and looked at her hands.

"Do you really care that I don't think badly of you?"

Oh, his voice was so soft and dark, and yet she could hear a slight hesitation. Then she dared to lift her head and look at him out of the corner of her eye. There was something very strange about the way he stood there. Tall and strong and yet leaning his head forward in a boyish way, as if he didn't want to show what was really going on inside him. She relaxed even more and simply gave back.

"Yes."

"Because you were afraid I would tell Tom?"

Charlotte shook her head and looked across the beach again as if she was looking for the answer. 

"No."

Sidney didn't want to press her and yet he longed for her explanation. And as if she had heard what he thought, she quietly admitted.

"Your opinion of me is important to me."

With a gasp of air he smiled and raised his head to look at her. It was important to show her how happy it made him. Moving his head in her direction and she looked up at him. Intimidated by the power of her own words. It almost seemed as if she hadn't realized it herself until that moment.

Their eyes locked. And he hoped that she saw him cheer with joy, even if he could only stare at her silently. That little wrinkle had disappeared and her face was so open and golden, he knew he had to tell her. Clearly so that no doubts remained.

"I like you, too."

Sidney shut his eyes close, he didn’t want to say that so..bold, but he didn’t want to take it back either. So kept his mouth shut and dared to look at her. Now she knew and it was alright. He nodded slightly and the gentle smile on her beautiful lips reappeared again, still a little hesitant, so he admitted.

"Very much."

Eyes met again and both their smiles grew a little more before they headed off to the dunes, just like the rest of the Parkers. 

Although they returned the way in silence and very slowly, the eyes that occasionally turned to each other, said more than any word spoken before. Nevertheless, they still had to clarify exactly what was going on. 

Charlotte had admitted that his opinion was important to her, and he had admitted that it was the same for him. Well, actually he had admitted that he liked her. But what was to happen now? Unable not to know for sure, what was going to happen, she asked directly in a shaky voice.

"And now what?"

Sidney looked at her and smiled again, she was not satisfied with any half measures. That's what he liked about her and before he nodded, he glanced briefly into the distance and noticed, that meanwhile they had arrived at Trafalgar House. 

Surprised about that fact he reached out his hand to guide her into the house. The touch of their hands made her heart tingle and his jumping in his chest. A heat was crawling up his arm, he would have liked to pull her close, hoping that the look in her eyes meant she wished that too. 

"I don't know." He answered and his eyes got that special expression, as he leaned a bit closer and in a much darker voice explained further. "But I'd like to find out."

Charlotte could not really understand what he meant with those words, but her heart was pounding violently in her chest. And in they way he looked at her she knew he wanted the same thing as she did, as his eyes shortly drop to her lips. Finishing what they were about to do earlier, before Tom had interrupted them. She couldn't help smiling because she hoped he would now kiss her, but as Mary waited for them in the hall, she immediately suppressed the thought. 

"Where have you been?" 

Mary asked amused and shook her had at the two lovesick fouls, which needed more time to come back from the beach as when she would have gone twice. 

"The food is ready." 

Mary told them then but knew she would let them both a few private moments and went to the dinning room. Charlotte felt more secure now and in her head a new question for him was already formed while she peeled herself from the coat. Once the servants had also disappeared the words fell out of her mouth in a rush.

"So, um, well... I don't know what exactly you're trying to find out, Mr Parker. What we it is tomorrow or next month, when I’ve to go home or..."

Sidney didn’t think. 

Staring at her expressive face, as she struggled to find words and he simply reacted. With a quick movement he grabbed her face with both hands. Held it tight and pressed his lips against hers. 

Soft. 

How wonderful her lips felt. 

Smooth.

And her beautiful face in his hands. The warm feeling of her silky soft hair, made him push his fingers even deeper into her curls. 

The only word that filled his senses was 'Finally!' 

A feeling of having arrived. Bringing two pieces of the puzzle together. Warmth flowed through him and this rushing noise in his head. They shared that moment and it was beautiful.

His mouth was softer than Charlotte had imagined. And yet firm. It took her breath away. She only felt him. Slowly his heat spread through her body and she had to hold on tight to avoid drowning. 

But suddenly he broke away from her. Both breaths went irregular. 

"Please forgive me."

Sidney shook his head, took a step back and looked at her with concern. Charlotte looked back at him just as confused and a bit dizzy.

"Erm, this really was a mistake."

Charlotte had absolutely no idea how her hand had found its way to his collar. But there she still held the fabric tightly but let go immediately as he took a step back. That alone would have hurt her, but his words even more.

"A mistake?"

Her gaze pierced him and the passion glowed like a burning fire inside her as she breathed heavily as she searched for words.

"Well, no..."

"You regret it?" 

She snapped at him breathlessly and he looked into her eyes in shame. In disbelief she puffed and turned away so he wouldn't see the tears rising to her eyes.

"Charlotte."

"If you don't want me, why did you do it?" 

She cried just quietly enough that no one could hear her and was about to run away as he grabbed her by the arm and spun her around. Only now did it dawn on her what she had just said.

"God, how can you think that?" His voice was a low murmur.  
"You really don't know, hmm?"

Sidney asked almost amused. She looked at him expectantly. Oh she was just so angry. It was very hot where he held her arm and the glowing fire of his eyes drew her closer. But she didn't want him to make fun of her.

"No, I'm a girl with little experience... I know nothing..." Sucking in the air, she didn't want to say that so desperately. "It’s a mistake you said..." Her voice failed, because the tears she swallowed filled her throat.

"But only because I long for you so much that I almost forget myself" he snapped and immediately pressed his lips together.

"Oh. But…"

To not let any doubt he admitted truthful with closed eyes.

"I want you."

Leaning closer, he waited and then pressed his lips lightly against hers again. She didn’t push him away. Sidney could even feel her hand reaching for him and there, was that a sigh? Wrapping his arms around her small frame, he pulled her closer. The soft curves were pressed against his body and a little piece of his mind cried out, that he has to stop!

But he couldn’t. 

Until they both separated again, breathing heavily. Charlotte clung to him, soft, like she was fainting again and he trailed small kisses slowly over her glowing cheek to the tender skin of her neck. There he inhaled her scent and tugged her even closer. In this husky dark voice he whispered.

"How a husband wants his wife."

A heavy shiver ran through Charlotte, she tilted her head to get a better view at him and sought the truth of his words in his eyes. Tears were shimmering in them and they prickled in hers as well. Slowly he let his fingers stroke her cheek and neck as he struggled to breathe. He cleared his throat and whispered.

"Forgive me for speaking like this." Ashamed he searched her eyes for forgiveness.

He was so unbelievably beautiful when he was embarrassingly searching for words. Gasping for air she enjoyed his insecurity even a moment longer, before she was able to really understand what he was saying. Although everything that had happened had led to this moment and she was now sure what it all meant, she preferred to ask again in a small voice.

"Was this...was this... a proposal?"


	10. The final declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Sidney react to her question?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit longer chapter. I hope I make you as happy as I was while writing...

Sidney looked at her face. It was so beautiful. Refreshing. Her big round innocent eyes, her curious expression, and the soft lips she sucked into her mouth as a sign of her insecurity. She really had no idea what she was doing to him. He was at her mercy, absolutely under her power and under her spell. And she, she had no idea, how much. 

"No."  
Slowly her smile disappeared.  
Why did he say that? He didn’t mean it that way, he wanted to say it right and explained.  
"But…erm… kind of."  
His lips formed then into the most unbelievable smile and Charlotte couldn't do anything and smiled up at him. When he spoke, his voice was very rough.

"If you…if you really want me…." 

Charlotte smiled even more and was sure that even if she had not been in love with him, the deep look in his eyes would have made her.

"Yes?"

He asked carefully once more and when she nodded, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. A shiver ran up and down her spine, as she really understood what it felt like to be in his strong arms and his body pressed against hers. Pictures from him in the bathtub at Dr Fuchs’ house filled her mind. How would it feel like if they would do so when both were clothed like that? Or just not clothed. Like he was. She became lightheaded and she had to hold on something.

One hand moved back to the collar of his waistcoat, and the small idea of the question when had he taken his coat off flew through her mind, but than she was distracted again. The feeling that her other arm was around him without her remembering that she had done so, was very confusing. 

But then she lost every thought. She just felt. Only him. Sidney, Sidney. The vibrating of his heart against her shoulder, made her feeling even more secure. Of him and everything what would come with it. 

They stood there in a deep embrace until they heard a door open and parted.

Charlotte could hardly manage to get a bite down, although she felt hungry in a strange way. Deep down in her stomach, where this tingling was before, there was a feeling of emptiness that wanted to be filled, but where no food would ever reach. 

It pulled and tugged there as if there were some strings, and they played a song of which only Sidney knew the notes. Every gaze, every little smile played another and her heart was dancing to this silent melody. She smiled by the thought of it. 

Fortunately nobody heard that her stomach was grumbling, but she was just too excited and she didn't want to lose the taste of his lips on hers. Again and again she touched them thoughtfully, what his lips felt like. There were no words to describe it. Smooth and tender, and so soft…. like a filigree delicacy made from a fluffy cloud.

Charlotte pressed her lips together not to giggle, when had she become such a romantic poet? 

Shaking her head she tried again to eat something, but this time she felt his gaze burning on her skin. It was like the sensation of his fingers she still felt on her face. Touching her glowing cheek, she let only her eyes wander to him. 

Every time, really every time she felt this urge to look at him across the table, he looked at her and smiled. And she smiled back. And the room disappeared and they seamed to be alone, until Mary spoke to her. 

A few times Mary tried to pull her into conversations, but gave up as Charlotte seamed miles and miles away. Amused she observed the young couple and although she was incredibly and so inexpressible happy for Sidney, that he had found in Charlotte his perfect match, she knew she has to watch them and don’t let them alone too often. 

Mary could imagine how the feelings whirled around in him, after he tried to supress any kind of feeling in the matter of the heart since a decade, but Charlotte was an innocent girl and Mary could remember how these feelings were overwhelming and exciting. But of course Mary also recalled the heartache when there always were someone who watched and eavesdropped the secret promises of love, and how disappointing an interrupted kiss could be. So she promised herself to be more tolerant than their guardians were, back when she was engaged to Tom. 

Once again she looked to Charlotte and smiled by the sight of her nervous behaviour. Then she observed Sidney and he was no different.

But after years of practice suppressing his real feelings and putting on a face that showed interest, and occasionally nodding his head or stretching his chin to suggest to the other person that he was all ears, leaving him enough freedom to let his thoughts run free.

Again and again he stole a glance to Charlotte, who sat across the table tense and with rosy cheeks, but even a blind man would have recognized that she was only physically present. It was adorable. She was just adorable. 

Their eyes met only briefly, but he knew exactly what she was feeling. It was as if they were only communicating with their gazes. The warmth, that flooded him every time he saw Charlotte touching her lips so carefully with her fingers. Like as if they were made out of fragile glass and she didn’t want to break them. He knew she didn’t want to loose the feeling of his lips. It was the same for him. But he sucked his lips in and pressed them together, as if he wanted to press her taste, which still lingered on them into to the soft skin. 

Shortly he closed his eyes and breathed deeply to calm his running heart down. The feelings he had were overwhelming. Embarrassed he shook his head, how she bewitched him and his body was all-tense cause of the longing desire she aroused in him. And she didn’t even know.

Happily he made Tom understand to go with him in the study and talk about some business matters. And his breath of relief was not to be overheard, as his nieces asked Charlotte to read them out of the book he had bought them the last time he was in London. A short moment he was afraid, that Charlotte had heard him, but she did not. Still she seamed a bit confused and ran after the children with the fork in hand. 

But she noticed at the door and brought the fork back to the table. Charlotte looked to him through her lashes and he got up a bit too quickly, he didn’t want that she left and wouldn’t come back again. He had to be sure, that she would meet him in the study in the few minutes they had alone, when his brother and Mary would say goodnight to their children.

Sidney more or less blocked her way out of the room. Gently they brushed their fingers and as he asked her to join him, she answered only with a smile. Looking after her as she run up the stairs, he laid his head against the doorframe, till Mary touched him on the arm.

"You are very much in love."

"Erm…" But why should he deny it? "Yes, Mary. I am."

His sister-in-law hugged him then and whispered in his ear. 

"I knew from you first meeting." 

"You did?" He asked amused and looked at Mary.

"You tried too hard too ignore her."

Sidney felt taken aback and started to say something, as Mary followed Charlotte and the children upstairs, shaking her head and giggling as if it was just too funny.

Letting out a puffing laugh he walked in the study to his brother and was glad to get his head a bit away from Miss Heywood and to talk business with Tom. But he was not quite successful with it.

Charlotte was very glad when the children asked her to read to them and she could not go into the study immediately, where the men wanted to discuss some business matters after dinner. She needed a few moments alone to collect herself. She still couldn't quite believe what had actually happened.

At the door, Sidney might have walked one step too close to her, took her hand or did she took his? She couldn’t remember because the whispered words in his dark breathless voice made her a little dizzy. 

"Charlotte!" 

She would have probably faint again, but luckily he gave her so much strength to stay upright.

"Would you join me in the study later?"

He asked with this certain look in his eyes and Charlotte was only able to nod.

On purpose she stretched out her time with the children so that her troubled heart could calm down, but when the nanny came to take the children to bed, she had to leave. As she stepped out of the girls' room she not only heard Mary singing for Henry in his room, she also heard the men's voices talking to each other downstairs and her heart made a violent leap, although she was very calm. Of course she knew she didn't even need an excuse to go downstairs, as they all wanted to meet in the salon in the evening like always, but she liked to stretch out the little pain that tugged constantly in her chest, since they were interrupted from Tom earlier.

She wondered why this was so, and thought that perhaps it was because the salvation would be all the sweeter and more joyful. But what did she knew?

Apparently she stood hesitantly in the hallway for quite a while, for Mary suddenly stood besides her and told her with a slight grin that the men were surely already waiting for her. And of course her calm was gone immediately and Charlotte's face glowed again.

But before she went downstairs, she tried to relax in her room once more. Because her heart was beating quite strongly when she thought about, facing him again. Washing her burning face and combing her hair, she tried to make herself more presentable. She looked down to see if the dress had no stains or too many folds, and then there was nothing more she could do to avoid what she longed and feared for.

Charlotte sighed.

Admitting that she urgently wanted to be kissed by him again. What he would hopefully do. Although it would be difficult when Tom and Mary were in the room with them, but in this very moment Mary was in the girl’s room and as his every evening ritual also Tom would went upstairs and said his children good night in the next moment.

So there was maybe a small chance that Sidney would kiss her in this few minutes they were probably alone. At this thought Charlotte almost ran out of her room and down the stairs and was glad when Tom stepped into the hall in this very moment, and as he was at the stairs he told her he had to say good night to the children, and they should not wait for him to play cards. With a light smile on his face he walked up the stairs.

With her hard beating heart Charlotte stepped slowly closer to the study and stopped at the door. She breathed in at the sight of him. He was so incredibly handsome. The most beautiful man she had ever seen.

Sidney stood in front of the fireplace, one hand resting on the mantelpiece, the other at his side. The fire conjured a golden light on his skin and his expression was expectant and yet relaxed. 

What was he thinking in this moment, Charlotte asked herself and let her gaze linger on his face. There she discovered a sweet little smile, and she was hoping the thought of her provoked this little smile. Oh what would she do to find out!

While Tom had chattered him with some meaningless ideas, and he had mentally switched off and only seemed to listen, he had gone over much more important things in his mind.

About how he could really propose to her, what he should say. In any case, he had to make sure that she understands that he was in love with her. And that he was attracted to her because she was simply who she was and not because of the situations in which they had met almost or completely naked. And he would somehow feel obliged to do so.

Let her understand that he had feelings for her even before that and wanted more from her. Sidney had a great need to protect her, to offer her everything that life had to offer, to live a life with her. He knew she was the one for him, why couldn't he put it into words, but he should do so, even if he wasn't the big talker.

Of course he still had that one nagging doubt that would probably only disappear completely on the day when she really would become his wife, but he also knew that she was honest and true and would never leave him for another. Unless, of course she was in love with someone else, but he didn't believe that. No, not after what she said and how she had reacted to him.

Already he had noticed his physical effect on her. He was not blind after all. And her flushed cheeks and the gleam in her eyes only confirmed what her body had long told him before. When this thin chemise had glued to her gorgeous body. Even though the whole incident had lasted only a blink of an eye, he had seen it, as he let his gaze wander over her for the shortest of moments. The goose bumps were running all over her and especially on one particular part of her divine lavish gift of nature. At this sight he was almost unable to turn around.

It was a great physical effort not to reach for her and to pull her into his arms. Not to seduce her, even though his body would certainly have wanted to. No, he would have pulled her close to tell her he felt the same and that he would loved to help her through this confusing feelings. But of course it would be better to do this only if they were allowed to do so by the law. 

Sidney hoped she would come soon, he was afraid, that Tom and Mary would interrupt them again in the middle of his declaration and he had to tell her so much. He closed his eyes and drew the picture of her in front of his inner eye and smiled as he thought about the sight of her face after he had proposed properly.

And as if she had heard his inner wishes, he felt her standing at the door and looking at him.

Charlotte was still standing there, watching the feelings running across his face. He seemed to think of something beautiful and pleasing, because he seemed happy. ‘Oh, please let me be the reason or this impression.’ She begged in her mind and as if he had felt her thoughts, he lifted his gaze and looked her straight in to the eyes. Then he turned fully to her and smiled lovingly. He came a few steps towards her. 

"At last you are here." She heard Sidney's voice saying softly.

"Yes."

Charlotte didn't know why her voice was so low but she went into the room and closed the door behind her. Only two steps later did she realise what she had done, but she couldn't bring herself to open it again.

Her heart stopped beating for a moment as he looked at her and then continued beating violently as they both moved one step closer to each other. He smelled so good of fire and wood that Charlotte forgot to breathe for a few seconds and stopped thinking, because she did not know what to do. He looked as if he were in pain.

"What is it?"

"It's just so...." he shook his head slightly before he took another step towards her.

"What?"

"It's just so... I'm not sure." 

"Not sure?" She interrupted him and she stiffened up. "I see."

"Let me continue, please!" He begged and took her hand.

At the touch, her stomach tickled and she took a deep breath. She nodded and looked at him expectantly.

"I'm not sure, if I can find the right words." 

He cleared his throat and took her other hand as well. 

"I have to do this right!"

Nervously he looked at her hands, put them both in his left and put his right one over them. This gesture touched Charlotte deeply, for there was something protective about it.

"I had never thought I would ever be able to love again. And then so... so different, so intense."

At this word he raised his eyes and hit Charlotte deep into her heart. They clung to each other's gaze for a moment, than he smiled and shook his head. 

"Unexpected you came into my life with your opinions, assumptions and questions and..." He searched for a few more words, looked at the floor and then looked back at her face. 

"I love that you can put bandages on and make anyone laugh, that you like anchovy paste, what nobody else likes. And that little wrinkle between your eyebrows when you're angry of confused." 

When she squeezed her eyes slightly together and that wrinkle reappeared, he grinned again and Charlotte couldn't help smiling too. 

"That smile."

Sidney shook his head and his voice trembled slightly, full of emotions.

"And your eyes, so big and round and real."

Charlotte could hardly swallow because of all the feelings, they seemed to clump in her throat. 

"You are what I never knew I needed. I found you, but didn’t know I was searching for you."

Again he deepened the look in her eyes and tears glittered in them. 

"An unexpected gift."

He gently stroked the back of her hand with his fingers.

"Like the sun that suddenly peeps through the mist."

Charlotte puffed astonished, could barely hold back the tears anymore. 

"It's like I've finally arrived."

Sidney took a deep breath and moistened his lips with his tongue and Charlotte swallowed as her gaze lingered there briefly. 

"I trust you."

With these words she looked into his eyes again. 

"And you can trust me."

He still held her hands, then he knelt on one leg and Charlotte's eyes and heart widened. Her mouth became very dry.

"Miss Heywood..., Charlotte."

Charlotte nodded, although he hadn't asked anything yet. Then his face lit up with a broad grin, which he immediately tried to suppress. After all, it was all about everything. His words tumbled over each other when, after two breaths, he could finally continue speaking.

"Would you please do me the great honour of becoming my wife and share...?"

"Yes."

Charlotte called out this little word faster than she could think and tugged him back to his feet. She nodded and pulled him towards her a little more, but he leaned back and let his eyes float slowly over her face.

"Would you allow me to kiss you again?"

It was obvious he was teasing her and although the heat was getting back to her cheeks and it was obvious what she wanted, she hesitated to answer. She could also play games.

"Please Charlotte, say yes."

He then begged almost desperately and Charlotte had to bite her lip to avoid moaning loudly, because the tone in his voice did something to her that she could not put into words. He suddenly played this instrument inside her in a completely different tone. 

Deeper...and darker. It was kind of... embarrassing and she let her eyes fall on the top button of his waistcoat.

"Oh, well, I erm..."

Charlotte's cheeks had suddenly become even darker and he found her simply enchanting.

"Charlotte."

"Hmm?"

Unable to look at him.

"I love you."

Charlotte gasped for breath, slowly put her head back into her neck and her gaze wandered from the beige button, up and stuck to his Adam's apple, which was jumping up and down nervously. Then she looked over his face and she couldn't stop herself from freeing one hand from his firm grip and placing it on his cheek.

He closed his eyes and she saw that a single tear was hanging on his long lashes and she just couldn't help putting her lips lightly on his. Gently she separated from him. One breathe long. A second. Leaning heavier against him she kissed him again, released her other hand from his and embraced his middle.

His hands found their way to her waist. Finally he has to hold on to something. It was the most tender kiss. A breath of the truth that only now both of them really become aware of. Although every nerve fibre screams for more, he does not move. Only his lips seemed to smile at hers and were whispering softly, although nobody heard anything.

Charlotte knows she would follow him wherever he goes. As if an invisible bond connected them, which now tightened the knot even more. Everything but him faded away.

She pressed her lips even more to him. Separated lightly and snuggled her face against his neck, he smelled so good. And he dared to push his arms more around her. With light fingers brushing up and down her back. They were both breathing heavily.

"Sidney?"

His heart almost stopped as she breathed his name so soft. Unable to answer he just tightened his grip and leaned his face closer to her head. Laid it in her soft hair, embraced by her scent.

"I feel the same."


	11. The meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, now that everything has been sorted out between the two of them, what happens next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can make up for the long wait, when I tell you I raised the chapter number.
> 
> And this is a longer chapter.  
> and a steamy one :-)

Charlotte stood at her window and stared out. The day was not really waking up, it seemed. It was cloudy and quite dark. One could get the impression that it was already autumn. It was raining in streams. The road in front of Trafalgar House was more like the muddy path at her home on the farm than one of the main streets of a fashionable seaside resort.

She let out a long sigh and her warm breath fogged up the glass of the window on which she laid her forehead. Her head seemed so heavy, yet she had felt so light two days ago. So light and full of confusing but happy feelings, she had told him that she felt the same.

Oh, and this feeling when he tightened his grip on her waist as she said this words. It was tingling deep inside, in this one special place that always tiggled when she thought of him. And when his voice vibrated. And of course when he looked at her with these dark eyes. 

Where his hands were it had become very hot and she had the feeling that the fabric of her dress would disappear and oh, just the idea that he would hold her like that when she wasn't wearing the dress made her almost dizzy of heat.

Charlotte put her glowing cheek against the cool glass and closed her eyes. Her fantasy went through her mind over and again. She imagined him rising from the waves, standing naked in front of her, as close as in Dr Fuchs bathtub. And then she imagined him embracing her like that. 

How his hands would feel on her skin?

Once more she sighed as if she would carry the weight of the whole world. Well, the weight of her whole world, she admitted to herself. She dreamy painted a heart on the glass with her finger and wondered how her parents had reacted when he had suddenly appeared in Willingden. They must have been worried that something had happened to her and her mother would have been disappointed, as she had not told her about Sidney before. And what did her father say? He had probably gone into his study, taciturn as usual, and would have checked her letter for authenticity first.

How she would like to know if he was already on his way back. To her. Whether he longed for her as well?

Would he take her in his arms and kiss her stormy like the lovers of the heroines in the novels she used to read? Or would it be as tender as when he left?

Then he had pressed her hands to his belly as if he wanted to pull her into himself. Sidney had given her such a light kiss as if the wings of a butterfly were touching her. His forehead had laid heavily on hers and he had breathed with meaning, as if it would take him real physical effort to part from her.

And yes, she felt the same. As he walked away, it was the same feeling as if her mother had been pulled away the cuddly warm blanket in the cold morning and the air in the room was so icy that not only was the window above her bed frozen from inside, but the icy air crept deep into her bones. Yes, that's how she felt since he was gone.

Frozen.

There was no appetite, no energy to play with the children or any desire to visit Lady Denham. Talking to Mary was the only thing she could do, because that was the only way she could learn more about Sidney and his family.

The painful longing Georgiana had told her about had fulfilled her as well and they wallowed together in the pain it caused. Charlotte was no longer the one trying to make her friend laugh, and Georgiana was not really capable of joking except for a few minor teasing of Sidney.

"I'm so dying to know how my parents reacted."

She had explained with a moan and Georgiana had only replied dryly.

"Well, with that look on his face and his dark clothes, they must have thought he was an undertaker."

"Georgiana!" Charlotte had shouted out in a huff and puffed her slightly in the arm.

"No, seriously." Georgiana said with a smirk, "he can be charming when he wants to be."

"My parents must have questioned him so much that he wanted to leave as soon as possible."

Sidney would have liked to stay longer. Never before had he felt so comfortable and welcome with anyone as he did in his bride's parents' house. But of course he wanted, no he needed to go back to her. Not only to hand her the letter from her parents. It was a special need to be near her. As if he was missing an important organ.

And despite the miles that lay between them and the certainty that it would take hours to finally see her again, he had never felt so close to anyone before. He still felt the warmth of her delicate fingers on his skin. Her rosy lips on his. Sidney closed his eyes for a moment and felt the sensation she was triggering in him. He had never known anything like this before. It seemed to him as if he had been on a journey all his life and now he saw the homeport from the ship and still couldn't enter it.

He missed her so badly.

It was a nagging, gnawing feeling inside, which really hurt him. It tore at his heart and as if it was attached to the rest of his organs with strings, it somehow hurt everywhere.

"Longing."

Mr Heywood had noticed and laughed as they said their final goodbye.

"You're longing for our Charlotte."

And he had amused himself about it and chuckled softly. Sidney shook his head, he was already the second to laugh about it. Usually that would have upset him, but it just was like that. He longed for her and although it hurt him, he felt just as light. Shaking his head, he also chuckled and then got on his horse. Never before had he felt so strange. So with all feelings at once. Light and heavy. Sad and bursting with happiness.

It had been very similar when he arrived.

Strangely enough, he had felt at home immediately. Maybe it was because it was a nice warm day and he was welcomed friendly. Or perhaps it was because Mrs Heywood knew immediately for what he came to Willingden.

"Ahh," she had said and let her eyes wander over him for a moment.

Openly she smiled at him and before he could even open his mouth, she had already noticed.

"So you're Sidney Parker."

Slightly irritated, he had confirmed it and smiled at the thought that Charlotte had told her parents about him, contrary to what she had told him.

"Well, come on in."

Mrs Heywood had said, and had ordered tea. Only then did he realize it was set for three. Mrs Heywood noticed his eyes and explained,

"I have already sent for my husband when the children told me about you coming. He'll be here any minute."

"It almost sounds as if you were expecting me."

He remarked in amazement, because he would love to hear what Charlotte had written about him. After all, she had told him that she had hardly mentioned him in her letters. That's why they were so worried about what her parents would think if he suddenly turned up at the farm.

"Well, as much as she described how she didn't like you and complained about you, we knew that you would most likely visit us soon."

In disbelief, Sidney stared at Mrs Heywood. It was a strange explanation. 

"We know our Charlotte."

Mrs Heywood shrugged and handed him his cup and also prepared the one for her husband. Sidney waited for a more detailed explanation, but it never came.

Not a moment later Mr Heywood came in and Sidney got up to greet the gentleman and Mr Heywood indicated to him to sit down again. But Sidney remained standing until he arrived at the table. With a grin in his eyes, Mr Heywood grabbed Sidney's upper arms instead of his hand and patted them vigorously a few times.

"You don't just sit at a desk like your brother."  
The ice, if there had ever been any between them, melted instantly and Sidney visibly relaxed and Charlotte's parents gave each other mysterious looks as if they were having a conversation in this quiet way.

"No, I'm not."

Had Sidney then confirmed and prepared himself to be asked questions, but Mr and Mrs Heywood told him about his life and career as if they had learned it by heart. All he had to do was fill in a few small gaps here and there, otherwise he confirmed everything they knew about him with an astonished nod.   
Sidney could not help smiling happily when he realised that Charlotte had told more about him than she knew she had. If it was at all possible, he fell even more in love with her.

Of course the Heywood’s had asked him about his financial situation and when the wedding would take place, if the young people had their way.

"It's not necessarily a question of when," Sidney said with a mischievous grin. "It's a question of where."

"There's absolutely no question."

Mrs Heywood shook her head and her husband patted her lovingly on the hand.

"Then I'm glad." Admitted Sidney. "My brother wants to turn our wedding into an event for Sanditon and I don't want that."

"I see." The Heywood’s looked at each other. 

"We thought you'd want to do it there without question because it meant something to you. That is where your parents were married as well." Mrs Heywood said.

"No, I would never keep Charlotte from marrying in her family circle and at home."

Mr Heywood then looked at him with a piercing look that Sidney knew from his daughter and which one simply could not escape. In the corner of his eye he noticed Mrs Heywood wiping the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief and Sidney's heart was beating wildly for fear of having done something wrong.

"Excellent."

Said Mr Heywood, who pulled a face as if he was also struggling with tears and Mrs Heywood put her hand on Sidney's arm. Nodded to him and after she had found her voice again she said,

"That Charlotte comes in first place for you," she shook her head deeply moved, "is the most important thing to us."

"Of course."

Sidney admitted and his heart twitched a little in pain that they have thought it might have been different for him.

When Mr Heywood had gone to his study to draft a letter for his lawyer, Mrs Heywood had asked in a low voice.

"May I ask what exactly made you fall in love with my daughter?"

Smiling, Sidney remembered all the situations he had experienced with her. Their first meeting on the cliffs. The ball and the knowledge when he noticed her, that he needed to dance with her and that he would trip his friends if one of them took her away from him. Her smile, her questions, her irresistible body, her strength as she defiantly gave Lady D her answers and opinions. He had been so proud of her. And as she had helped Mr Stringer despite her own injury. He sighed with feeling and Mrs Heywood brought him back with a short

"Hmm?" into the here and now and tried to suppress her grin.

Sidney shrugged speechlessly and then just admitted.

"She is she."

The memory of this conversation and those that followed during dinner and the walk around the estate the next morning, made him smile. He continued to spur his horse on, he wanted to arrive in Sanditon at such an hour that he could definitely see her, and not in the middle of the night. He had to see her. He needed to see her. To be close to her. It was as urgent as the air to breathe.

Charlotte was still standing at the window, watching the street without really seeing anything. For not only was it raining cats and dogs and the window in front of her was smeared with her breath and her thoughtless painting experiments, but the tears came to her eyes obscured her vision.

All her life Charlotte had believed that being in love would only make her happy. But she felt nothing but the cold. The cold of lost. She closed her eyes for a moment to remember the warmth he had created in her. And it worked. First her heart jumped, and then it pounded violently in her chest.

And shortly afterwards, she heard the door and heavy boots rumbling into the entrance hall. She almost ran out of the room just as she was in that moment, but she thought of it. Looking at her face in the mirror, she washed away her tears, stroked her hair and dressed and put on the lace cloth. And while she was still stuffing it into her neckline, she was already running out of the room, down the stairs.

But it was only Tom who now went into his study, soaking wet. Groaning, Charlotte ran after him, because the only thing that had distracted her from the thought of Sidney for the last two days was the work, which seemed to be getting more than less every day. Afraid that Tom would go into the room and mess everything up again, she tried to distract him from doing so.

"Good day."

"Oh, good you're here, Charlotte!" 

Tom shouted as he noticed her, pointing to a stack of papers on the desk, which she hadn't yet managed to put in order.

"I'm looking for a particular bill, or well, Lady D. wants to see it and I think it' s in that pile."

He reached for it, but Charlotte got there first and put one hand on top of the papers.

"It' s not sorted out yet."

"Maybe you could look for it? It's about that payment."

He reached in his inside pocket and handed her a sheet of paper. It was wet from the rain and was hardly readable. Questioningly she looked at him and Tom explained to her that there had been another reminder, but he was sure he had paid the bill for it weeks ago.

"Alright. When do you need the original invoice?"

"Yesterday." 

He laughed and reached for the stack of paper again, but Charlotte lifted it up and pressed it against her chest.

"I'll get right on it."

"Splendid. Splendid!"

"Can I do it here in front of the fire?"

Not only was she still feeling cold, but also there was also enough space to sort the papers by type, date and urgency. And Tom wouldn't be standing looking over her shoulder or standing in her way.

"But yes, my dear. The room is all yours."

Luckily Tom disappeared quite quickly, but only after he had run all over the room with his wet boots, leaving a small wet spot everywhere. First she sat on the sofa, but soon she was kneeling on the floor again and had six separate stacks in front of her.

Tom came and went as he pleased and talked while looking at new designs and Charlotte didn't really notice as he completely disappeared again.

Sidney stood at the doorstep and watched Charlotte, eagerly and with slightly rosy cheeks, skimming the papers and then laying them on a pile in front of her. The sight reminded him of when they were looking for the reminder and he was sure that she had another urgent matter to deal with, as she didn't even notice he was back.  
He had imagined that she would fly into his arms and that they would kiss without hesitation. But he was now quite happy that there would be a more proper greeting.

Slowly he moved closer. His eyes were fixed on her. She moved him to tears and he could not really say why. Maybe because she worked so hard even when it was after dinner. He was happy to be near her again and to be able to hold her in his arms at once and still he could have cried.

Sinking heavily onto the sofa, he smiled amused that she still had not noticed him. With his forearms resting on his legs, he leaned forward and whispered her name.

"Oh!" She cried and looked up at him.

For a long moment they looked each other in the eyes. Until one of them let the eyes drip on the other's lips and the urgent need to be close to the other came back suddenly.

Instead of getting up, she crawled towards the sofa and remained crouched in front of him. Her glance and the feelings on her face mirrored his own and he slowly leaned closer. Even before he was near her, she closed her eyes and leaned in.

Their lips touched very lightly and both sighed with delight and the bittersweet taste of their separation. He could only briefly break away from her as Charlotte moved closer to him. Lightly his fingers touched her face and he felt the heat rise to her cheeks. Her nose stroked his cheek and Sidney released his lips from hers and breathed her in. 

Slowly he opened his eyes and searched her face, and since she still kept her eyes closed and her face reflected the despair that was also aching inside him. Sidney covered it with tender, soft kisses. On her cheek, the jaw, on her temple. He stroked her hair back over her shoulder and let little kisses fly over her neck. So tender and soft. Slow and careful. Charlotte took a shaky breath. He knew that he could lose himself in her at any moment.

Her skin was covered with goose bumps. But she was no longer freezing. She burned. For him. Charlotte leaned against his knees and put her hands on them to hold on something, as she leaned closer and pressed her lips against his.

The groaning deep from his throat, at her touch he couldn't suppress. He was aware that she was not conscious of what she was doing, but he knew it. And he shouldn't let it happen, but he was simply too weak to resist her.

With both hands he grabbed her head and kissed her with more pressure. She should feel how much he missed her and how much he desired her. Charlotte let herself sink completely into the kiss and pressed herself harder against him. An arm moved around her narrow waist and he pulled her up to him on the sofa.

Charlotte was no longer able to think. The heat and the tingling in her head and all over her body made her only feel. Allowing his arms and scent to embrace her, she let his mouth devour her. Weak and heavy she lay on him and yet she felt more alive and free than ever before.

Hands found his face and he moaned again as she ran her fingernails over the stubble on his jaw. Two fingers then stroked tenderly down his neck and painted small circles on his Adam's apple, which began to bounce under her touch.

His breath became faster and faster. Caught in his arms, she suddenly felt this ever more intense pressure inside her. Deep, deep inside her belly, so far down that it was almost between her legs and Charlotte was completely irritated for a moment what a tumult was trembling in her body.

It was so hot, she was really burning and she tore at the lace on her neckline. She could hardly stand it any more. 

Nothing he had ever felt before could be compared to what was happening at that moment. It was a pressing, so deep inside him… an undertow pulled her ever closer to him, almost drawing her inside him.

And her lips were so warm and soft and her mouth tasted so good. He simply could not stop, he wanted more. Her lightweight pushed down on him harder and her cool fingers lay against his hot skin and yet he thought he would burn to death at her touch.

Full of devotion, she kissed him too and her intoxicating scent, earthy and sweet, clouded his senses. The fragrance of desire. Her delicate body shook to the rhythm of her breaths, which tickled the skin on his throat in desperate sighs, when she insisted on pressing little tender kisses there.

The blazing fire demanded more, and he took her face in his hands in an energetic frenzy and once again seized her mouth, hardly able to control himself anymore. Gasping for air, she panted as his tongue lightly touched her lower lip before he sucked it into his mouth.

Charlotte moaned. Shocked, he suddenly noticed that his hand was lying flat on her lower back and that he was pushing her into himself almost violently. Moving at an unknown rhythm against him, he knew they were both completely overwhelmed by their feelings.

Good God! What on earth had got into him?

The loss when he pushed her away and the sudden cold she felt despite her body being on fire was so painful that she could not help but sob.

With quick steps Sidney moved away from her. Holding one hand in front of his mouth, he stopped by the window within the blink of an eye and stared out into the rain with his head lowered.

"Forgive me."

Charlotte whispered softly and closed her eyes overwhelmed in shame. At that moment she knew she had done something wrong. Probably she should not have kissed him. Or at least not like that and of course it's not proper to behave like that. She put her hands in front of her face and swallowed the tears, the anger and embarrassment of letting herself be carried away like that.

"Charlotte, my sweet love." 

Suddenly he knelt before her and pulled her hands from her face with his hand.

"You have done nothing wrong."

"But you..."

"Because I must restrain myself."

Sidney looked for her gaze and waited until she raised her eyes and laid them on his.

"I desire you too much." He lovingly stroked her swollen lips. "I must not let it go too far." 

"If that's what you want."

She said with a little twinkle in her eyes and put her hand on his waistcoat. The leather was soft and warm from the heat of his body. Charlotte pulled lightly on it until he came a little closer and she could put her forehead on his.

"You say that so easily."  
He chuckled a little and embraced her face with both hands.

Serious, he looked her in the face and kissed her teasingly on the nose, although her lips immediately reached out to him, he held back this time. Leaning back a little on his heels, he told her that he had the letter from her parents with him. 

“Alright.”

She said breathless and he stared at her lips and leaned closer again as if he was pulled by them, but tried to control himself.

Charlotte felt a little sting of rejection, and yet she admired him for his self-control, which she unfortunately could not muster, and she tugged at his waistcoat and at the same moment embraced his head with her whole arm. Devoutly she pressed her lips against his and imitated his movements that had almost made her loose her mind earlier. Dared to run her tongue over his soft lip and then she sucked it into her mouth so slow and careful that Sidney thought he was going to die.

The hard to suppress lust exploded again and devoured them both in a passionate frenzy. Sidney couldn't really think anymore, only a few scraps of thoughts circled in his head. 

Control yourself!

But that was a difficult thing to do when a soft and sensuous Miss Heywood pressed herself so hard against him that she slipped off the sofa and was almost sitting on his lap. The extent of what they were doing would probably frighten her and he tried to stop her, but she was already sitting astride him. Both her arms around his neck in a hard grip.

As her lips snapped at his, she imitated everything he had done. He would have liked to tear his clothes off his body and give himself to her. She was wild and stormy and he couldn't bring himself to push her away. 

The trembling that had already shaken her before now made her suddenly separate from him.

And saw between them both in horror. Where they would join, if they were finally allowed to, and Sidney was already searching for words to explain to her what she was triggering in him and what this did to him physically, she asked.

"What is...this heat wave... it feels...as if I..."

Blushing deeply she tried to hide her face on his shoulder as he lifted her chin with his fingers. His thumb lay over the dimple on her chin and he searched for her gaze.

"You love me."

With her innocent wide eyes she looked deep into his and nodded hardly noticeable.

"You desire me as I desire you."

Her eyes fluttered as if she was trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together in her head. She swallowed hard.

"That will make it easier."  
He whispered into her ear and kissed her pulse point very gently.

"When we finally become one."


	12. The heat and the pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney try to behave...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for your kind and lovely comments. I really appreciate them all and hope this chapter will prepare you well for the following last two chapters....

"When we finally become one."

Sidney had said and this sentence had been floating around in her head for hours. Charlotte just couldn't fall asleep. She felt feverish and although she only slept in the thinnest nightgown she had and had already washed her arms and face with cold water, she couldn't calm down. 

She had been so disappointed when Mary and Tom came into the study. But she admired Sidney, who had apparently heard them, and had jumped up to get a drink, which he poured down all at once before pouring himself a second one. Since she had been kneeling on the floor with her back to the door and more or less face down in the fireplace, no one had noticed that her cheeks were deep red.

Then she was asked to read her parents' letter and Tom was very disappointed to learn that they were not going to marry in Sanditon. But she didn't care, because when Sidney leaned down and whispered in her ear, all she could think of was what he said.

"At least we'll be alone."

When Mary then held her gaze as they said goodbye for the night, Charlotte could not get another kiss, but she was not sure if that, what he was doing was not just as thrilling.

Sidney had smiled at her, but his eyes were so dark that they looked like burnt firewood with glowing golden mica inside. He looked over her shoulder at Mary, took her hand in both his hands and led it to his chest. Caressing her knuckles with his thumb very slowly and gently, made her whole hand tingle as he looked into her eyes with that look that her mouth was suddenly dried out.

Very easily he drew his beautiful mouth to an almost cheeky grin, leaned his head towards her and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand. Charlotte thought this was it for the evening but he didn't let go and pressed his lips on her knuckles. So soft and gentle, like her first kiss tonight. His open lips let his warm breath tickle her skin of her fingers and as he inhaled her, it suddenly seemed cool.

Charlotte swallowed and could not suppress this little sound from her throat as he did it once more and kissed her hand again in this way. Their eyes locked and his voice was hoarse as he murmured.

"Sweet dreams, my love."

Whether he knew what his words and actions had done to her? 

Because sleep was not to be thought of. It was impossible for her to find rest, let alone dream. Although, as soon as she closed her eyes she saw his face in front of her. His look that reminded her of the hungry look of a tiger in one of her father's books. And yet his face looked somehow innocent. 

"I will dream of you."

He had mumbled. And even though he didn't say any more, Charlotte knew that he wanted to tell her something, because he nodded to her barely noticeable. She couldn't quite get what he was trying to say, but her body seems to understand. Like a secret answer to his words her stomach was tingling. At this one spot, deep inside her. And her heart rose as if it wanted to fly away.

Sidney looked at her as she walked out of the room with Mary and wondered for a moment if he could find any excuse to follow her upstairs. At this unseemly thought he ran his hand over his face. That's what she made him do! He was glad he wasn't living with her here in Trafalgar House, otherwise he would have to beg her to lock her door every night.

It was almost unpleasant what power she had over him. Had Mary and Tom arrived a moment earlier..., or if he would not have heard them in his intoxicated state! 

His 'Charlotte Heywood intoxication' was now taking on dimensions that were no longer appropriate. One part of him really longed to escape this bewitching creature so that he could think clearly again. She had him completely in her hand.

Soon he had to go to London, to meet her father’s lawyer, but there were still weeks of longing till they would go to Willingden and finally were able to marry. How should he be able to stay calm? He wasn’t. That he knew for sure, but he really had to find a way, to be with her in the same room without loosing his control over his body and mind completely.

The first time since his coming back to Sanditon he was glad as Tom talked about the town and his further projects and asked him for advice. This was a great distraction and he tried to push every thought of Charlotte out of his mind.

And he was successful. 

For about one hour and twenty three minutes. After that he was lying in his bed in his hotel room and stared into the night. He imagined what would happen when they were alone again. 

Sidney closed his eyes and thought of her, imagined her lying in her bed. Her scent still lingered on his skin. It was not difficult to remember the taste of her lips on his. Still feeling her soft body pressing heavily on his, his mind went crazy. He imagined her above him, with her blushed cheeks, this beautiful big eyes full of wonder. The wild locks were a bit longer in his dream, they hid her curves under them, and he saw his hands reaching for her to brush the strands of hair behind her shoulder. 

With this unseemly thoughts and her in his mind he fell asleep.

Charlotte instead laid some kind exhausted on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Carefully she touched her lips with her fingertips, although of course the touch was not nearly as soft and intense as his lips. But the memory came back and grabbed her.

Sidney smelled so wonderfully of wood and fire and the softness of his lips and the gentle touch of his fingers on her skin contrasted so sharply with the pecking of his stubble on her neck and the firm grip of his hand on her back. He didn't seem to notice what he was doing or how much she had enjoyed it. When they had both crouched in front of the couch, he had done it again and for a brief moment she had forgotten to breathe. 

It felt so good at this place, which was always pulsating so subtly when he was kissing her and somehow it was even painful. And to respond to this feeling she had pressed herself against him. And she had felt him. It was frightening. And somehow it seemed forbidden. Still it was somehow very releasing, when this wave-like heat came over her and she became light headed.

The words he said so softly were meant to calm her down, she knew that, and yet they only made her more impatient and nervous at the same time. For when would they finally become one? It still took so long! He had managed to persuade her parents to agree to a small ceremony and that they would be back in Sanditon for the Midsummer Ball.

By then she was swamped with work, which was fine, but Charlotte's shoulders were already hurting so badly that she was afraid she wouldn't have time to think about what was lying there before her. She would get married and could not really enjoy the exciting time before that and not really deal with what it really meant.

That was something she had to change, she knew that. 

And that was why she went to see Dr Fuchs the following afternoon. Of course she avoided getting into his strange bathtub, the memories of the last time she was there, were somehow too private. Instead, she took the bath oil with her, which he sold her in a small bottle and was looking forward to getting into the bathtub after dinner to relax and to get some sleep at least this night.

The last night, before he was on his way to London to met her father’s lawyer. To sign the arrangements for the marriage contract. Although she didn't like the way the men determined the women's lives, she was sure that her father and Sidney only wanted the best for her.

All her thoughts were already wandering to him and she was looking forward to being alone with her thoughts, her cheeks were already glowing before she returned to Trafalgar House.

Sidney just couldn't help himself, but when she came back to Trafalgar House pulling out her green Spencer lost in thought, he refused to address her, but enjoyed the sight in front of him instead.

Her hair laid silky soft on her shoulders and her slightly flushed cheeks contrasted gracefully with her pale silvery dress and the almost transparent blouse she wore underneath. Imagining her naked arms underneath and other body parts he had dreamed of last night, his fingertips were already tingling at the thought of soon being allowed to run his fingers over the soft skin. Oh, how he longed to be alone with her again. But they seemed to be under constant observation.

The whole morning and early afternoon she always was with Mary, and he was wrapped up on paperwork with Tom. Even now one of the servants stood in the corridor and took her spencer. Charlotte turned to the study and discovered him at the door. 

"Mr Parker." 

When she said it so breathless he had to swallow. This tone in her voice did something to him that he could not quite grasp. 

"Sidney, Miss Heywood."

His voice was so dark and he could barely hear the door close when the servant finally disappeared and then everything happened so quickly that he couldn't remember exactly afterwards.

The skin of his hand felt the thin fabric of her blouse, it was cool. Probably silk. But the skin beneath was warm. In the next moment his lips lay on hers and he felt her thin, delicate fingers claw into his hair. It rumbled and only when his hands were caught between the wall and the small of her back, he opened his eyes a tiny moment and recognised the wallpaper of Tom's study room. Realising what he was doing, he tried to withdraw but the thought alone made him feel something like pain. So he refused to detach from her.

Lips tightened briefly to supress his desire, but she pressed herself against him and then they both became passionate. Sidney kissed her almost violently and full of fervour, so that he almost missed her little sighs. He let his fingers slowly slide up her back into her hair.

Almost at the same time she let her fingers fly over his neck and stayed there. It felt so good to feel her cool fingertips tickling his skin at this sensitive spot under his tie. That he wanted it to feel hers as well and his hands were on her neck, hold her face in both hands, slowed the kiss for a moment.

Then his fingers wandered lightly over her throat to the soft spot between her collarbones. But instead of pulling on the top button of her blouse like she did at his shirt, he let his hands slide slowly deeper. Over the delicate fabric that covered her cleavage. Softly he ran his index and middle finger along the neckline of her dress, and with all the strength he was able to, he could just barely hold back to avoid embracing her soft hills with his hands.

Charlotte breathed trembling and could only relax a bit as he let his hands slide to her sides. There he had to pause for a moment, before his hands found their way under her arms and lifted her up a little, so she clung even more to him. His big hands gripped her more firmly and tugged her even closer and then drove a terribly slow path down to her waist. All the time his lips never left hers.

And as if his thumb had a life of its own, he painted slow circles the whole way down, almost touching her seductive curves. Charlotte gasped again at this sensation, her head fell back to the wall and she arched her neck. 

It was really not his fault. There was really nothing he could do. But when she more or less presented her neck to him like this, he couldn't resist and buried his face on her neck. Caressed the tender skin with his lips, sucked slightly on the delicate spot under her ear and soothed it with his tongue.

The alarming thought about what he was doing came into his mind as he heard her whimper and felt her fingernails scratching his neck as she pulled him closer. Charlotte wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head more into her neck.

"Tell me to stop."

He begged while he wrapped both his arms around her to avoid touching her at some dangerous places, it was a hard task. Unable to hold back, he spread his fingers as wide as possible to feel even more of her heated body.

Desperation could be heard from the sound of his voice and although she didn't want to, she breathed what he wanted to hear.

"St..stoo..stop." 

Still he did not. He just kissed his way over her jaw a little slower. It was almost painfully hot everywhere. It felt like her skin was burning.

"I can't." 

He moaned and as he reached her waiting mouth he kissed her deeply. Charlotte melted into him, but she learned quickly and imitated his movements. So he groaned as her soft tongue touched his and leaned even more against her. With both hands she embraced his face and he could not resist and lifted her up a bit higher.

They were now at eye level and it was an overwhelming feeling as he pushed her more firmly against the wall and clung to her body. They could feel each other through the fabric of their clothes and it was frightening and yet so thrilling. As she drew him closer with one of her legs, he began to move slowly against her. Overwhelming feelings flowed through her body and yet her brain spoke for a moment. She detached from him, breathing heavily and looked him in the face as he made a strange sound, like he was in pain.

Sidney Parker was so handsome, with his beautiful face. Those loving eyes, vulnerable but with this heated passion inside. The unfashionable stubble that felt so good under her touch. But just at this moment he was even more beautiful. His eyes were closed, a slight redness lay on his face, and his lips were lightly swollen. His short hair stood out in all directions. Breathing deeply he tried to calm down. 

Both hands slid to her waist and loosened their grip a little. Slowly Charlotte slid down on him until her feet touched the floor again. She swayed. Holding her tight, he laid his forehead on hers. They stood like this for a moment until he began to speak, his rough voice was vibrating inside her.

"I'm losing my mind."

"Why?" Her voice just a silent whisper.

"Out longing for you."

Her heart was racing, she never thought she would have such an effect on him. Slowly he stroked her hair and wrapped a strand of her hair around his fingers.

"But please believe me, not only this." His voice full of emotion let her shiver.

"I can't wait to begin our lives together. I feel like I'm only my half me… without you."

Although it was such a beautiful thought, her eyes filled with tears.

"I long to finally be the man at your side."

In this moment she knew for sure, that she was not only to be his wife. She was to become his partner. Equal. 

Luckily, Tom was always and everywhere loud and could not be overheard as he trampled down the stairs and the corridor and called out for his brother from afar. They immediately took several steps apart and Charlotte pretended to be looking for something on the desk.

"Oh Sidney, there you are!"

Cried Tom, who once again could not see at all that his brother was not alone and that his hair was completely dishevelled. Charlotte's skin was glowing as she sneaked out of the room on light feet and without her spencer go out in the fresh air to calm down for a moment.

Later, after she had said goodbye to him, she finally lay in her soothing bath. At least she was able to let her muscles soften and her body could relax. However, her head could not relax. She thought about Sidney all the time and how his hands and lips had caressed her. It was so thrilling and just like him, she longed to finally be alone with him, even if she didn't know what was really going to happen, it must be incredibly wonderful to become his wife.

When she thought about it she got goose bumps, even though she was lying in the warm water. Closing her eyes she suddenly saw him with her in the bathtub. 

Her imagination went crazy and his face was suddenly so close. They were kissing and she felt his leg pressing against hers. Oh and she could feel his big warm hands stroke her back. And her arms. And...Oh great god! Over her curves. All her curves. She saw his eyes, these dark eyes of him, and this fire in his gaze. There was this strong pull in her belly again.

And then she imagined that he would take his time to look after her, to take care of her. How he would stroke tenderly over her body, and kiss the skin to make the pull and pain goes away. Her breasts felt heavy and the delicate tips hurt slightly at the pictures in her head. 

Charlotte was sure, if Sidney had been there with her, he certainly wouldn't want her to suffer pain.


	13. Fire!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the two come even closer.... and the fire burns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since quite a lot happens in the penultimate chapter, I wanted to skip the wedding - but I did not, so it is a bit longer one.

Finally the day had come. The last weeks had flown by like the clouds in the sky on a stormy day. The preparations for the wedding and the regatta had run parallel and everything had just rushed past Charlotte as if she were taking part in a race in a carriage.

She was still not able to believe that she finally stumbled into the church on her father's arm. At least she thought she was stumbling, because she couldn't really feel her knees. The feeling of walking on a stony ground, with every step she took, the fear of falling down swung with her by every step. It was all so incredibly exciting, the whole village was watching and she hadn't seen him since she went home six days ago. 

Had he missed her as much as she missed him? Did he like the sight of her?

Sidney had come over the night before, but her mother had forbidden her to speak to him, she told her something about that it would bring misfortune if the bride and groom saw each other the night before the wedding. Charlotte was not even allowed to go to the window to wave at him. 

Her heart had contracted painfully, she had cried as if it had been the last time she would have seen him, as if their paths were parting and they were not facing their future together. 

So her mother had allowed her to stand at the door of her room and listened to his words he said to her father. The sound of his voice had entered her heart, calmed her and made it seem like a gentle touch, as if he had caressed her hair and she remembered all his dear words of love he had told her before and against all expectations she could sleep well that night.

But now as she walked down the aisle, she felt cold again and trembled slightly. Her stomach rolled around as if she had turned too fast after eating and her head was tingling as if she would faint again. She could hardly feel her heart, it was beating too fast in her chest.

Sidney stared at the altar in front of him and did not dare to turn around. Finally he had understood what Mrs Heywood had said and did not want to risk any misfortune just because he was too impatient to look at her. He rubbed his hands to keep himself somehow busy.

For him, everything felt like a muffled dream. Unreal, it whirled around between fog and light. He looked at Arthur, his best man, but he didn't give anything away what had prepared Sidney for the sight of her. His heart beat against his ribs with such violence that he thought everyone in the small church would hear it. The noise was rumbling in his ears.

But then finally he felt her beside him. And everything became very quiet and stopped spinning. For a moment he closed his eyes and let her warmth sink in. Only when he turned to her did he open them again. 

It was as if he had been blind and in this moment he could see for the first time. 

The sun was shining through the rose window above the altar and bathed Charlotte in a colourful light. Just as she was.

But he didn't blink. Instead he took in the sight of her. Her smile was timid and yet so enchanting that he would have liked to get down on his knees again.

She was a ray of hope and all colours of light. The colour of her dress, a bright yellow emphasized this knowledge. In strong contrast to her sparkle was the simple bouquet of blue cornflowers, in the different nuances of the sea. Bright like the sunny morning that seemed to stand in front of him and dark like the depth of his love.

When she was allowed to put her hand into his, he felt her light flowing into him. The soft velvet ribbon, which held the bouquet together and was the same colour as his jacket, lay warmly around both their fingers. Their eyes locked and the shadows of their bodies seemed to melt together as they turned to the pastor.

As if the magic of the moment was trying to show with all possible means that they belonged together.

The wedding breakfast took place in the farmyard and was over so quickly that Charlotte did not even get anything to eat. As she stepped into the carriage the thought that she did it with Sidney Parker as her husband, made her slightly tipsy.

As Arthur was with them in the carriage, that should take them back to Sanditon in time for the midsummer ball, made the whole situation all the more strange, since she could not sink into his arms even now that they were husband and wife. Mrs and Mr Sidney Parker. Her brain did not succeed in really accepting this thought as fact.

As the landscape flew by in front of the window, she couldn't help but mourn the passing day. Everything had happened so quickly that Charlotte was gripped by a sudden sadness that she could no longer hold back the tears.

Although she leaned a little away from Sidney so he wouldn't see her tears and somehow misunderstand them, he felt her grief and pulled her closer.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's alright." She said, leaning against him.

Arthur pretended to be asleep to give them some privacy and Sidney leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"I swear to you, I'll make it up to you."

He whispered into her ear, which made her shiver and she continued to turn to him, placing her face against his neck and inhaled the scent of his warm skin.

"How could you?"

His grip around her waist tightened and he bent down to her and whispered on to her lips.

"You'll see." 

"I will see it?"

She asked and the innocent question gleamed in her eyes made him smile. 

"And feel."

Promised Sidney before he pressed terribly gentle and all too short kiss on her lips. She sighed and he kissed her again and since Charlotte missed him so much, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She didn't want to let him go and although Sidney would have loved to let him be tempted by her, he pulled away.  
The disappointed look in her face hurt him, but with a look to his sleeping brother, he reminded her that they were not alone.

The rest of the journey they spent to interlink their fingers, looking deep into each other's eyes, she kept kissing the back of his hand and he continued to caress her cheek. Then there was this certain glimmer in her eyes and she leaned closer to kiss him gently. They couldn’t stop this time and Sidney sank more heavily to Charlotte as she sipped so gently on his lower lip.

He pushed her more firmly into the seat and her fingers moved across his neck. Carefully, he stroked down her side to her hip, clutched his fingers in the fabric of her dress and then let his fingers slowly move up over her curves that she stretched out towards him, as if she longed for his touch like he did. 

For a short moment he stopped under this soft hill, breathing heavily. But as she gently licked his lower lip, he couldn’t barley stop himself from touching her and moved his hand to her side. His wilful thumb ran gently over her most sensitive spot there and she gasped for air. Feeling her trembling heartbeat under the layers of fabric slamming against her ribs he pulled away immediately and moved aside. 

Charlotte opened her heavy eyes and her innocence and curiosity about the new feeling he had given her mixed in her sparkling gaze. Oh how he longed to be alone with her!

The preparations for the Midsummer Ball were in full swing as they arrived and the two of them had no time for anything other than a brief welcome as a bridal couple and moving into one of the terrace apartments at the end of the promenade. While Sidney was listening to Tom annoyed about his presence in their new living room, Charlotte helped unpack and put things in their place.

While she was sorting out some useless things, she sensed him behind her. 

He slid his arms around her waist and pressed himself against her back. And she let herself sink against him. Feeling strong in his arms and yet she melted like butter in a boiling pot as he pressed his face against her neck and seemed to inhale her.

"You work too hard, my sweet love."

His words tickled her neck under her ear and the goose bumps awoke, just as her calm heartbeat doubled as he pressed a gentle kiss on her pulsating skin.

"You should leave to get ready for the ball."

The warm whisper brought tears to her eyes and she pulled his arms further around her waist.

"I don't want to go." She admitted to him and he seemed to embrace her even more. 

"Why not?" 

Sidney pressed a very light kiss on the soft curve where the neckline of her dress exposed the smooth skin of her shoulder. Charlotte swallowed and the very idea of her words sent the heat up her cheeks. And to other places.

"Because of you."

That was really all she could say, especially when he was so close. She held her eyes closed as if she were a little child, who had the opinion, he couldn't see her either.  
But he did see her. When he turned her gently around and laid his forehead on hers, they both breathed heavily and although he knew how she was feeling, he could not suppress the question.

"What have I done?" His voice was a dark crackling like the pitch-black burnt wood in the fireplace.

Charlotte didn't answer but took a trembling breath. Slowly his fingers stroked up her arms and her breath increased audibly.

"Tell me, my love."

Could she tell him? Could she dare?

Sidney stroked her face with his nose and he kissed her cheek, so terribly tenderly that Charlotte had to take another audible breath. When his fingers reached her neck, she trembled and he spread his fingers to feel more of her warm skin, although it wasn't really what he wanted, it had to be enough for now.

"Tell me." He demanded and if possible his voice was even darker and touched again that one deep string at her heart.

"Please."

And his begging made her knees even softer and she sank against him. Sidney felt her breath rise as her décolleté was pressed to his chest and he moaned as he heard her words.  


"You make me burn."

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to stand still, but who was he to refuse her request when she asked in a low voice.

"Please, will you kiss me?"

But he did not do it right away. Trying to be strong and resisting her, but he could not and surrendered. Her lips pressed timidly against his and he tasted the sweet flavour of life and her love. His fingers pushed into her hair and he pulled her closer.

Somewhere in the house a door opened and closed and he broke away from her. They should hold back, Tom was waiting for both of them in the assembly rooms. But then she begged in a whisper.

"Please Sidney."

Charlotte couldn't understand what happened, but when she understood, she believed her secret dream had taken possession of her again. And in a dream anything was allowed and anything was possible. In dreams you could even fly like a bird. 

As soon as she felt solid ground under her feet again she pressed her whole body against him. She wanted to feel him and that everywhere. With her hands wrapped around his neck she pulled him down to her. She seized his mouth, just like he had done to her and the intoxication took hold of her body. It was tingling everywhere and she was so incredibly hot that she wanted to tear all her clothes off immediately.

Sidney's mind had trouble keeping up with the actions of his body. Not only had he swooped her into his arms, but he had also carried her up the stairs in no time to their bedroom. Only when he placed her back on her feet did he slowly realise what he had done and was about to leave the room when she held him tight and attacked him with her desire to kiss him again.

He felt the knob of the door in his back and moved towards her. Charlotte was clawing her fingers into his hair and into his shirt and he held her small body so tightly with both hands that he was afraid to crush her. Slowly his hands slid back over her shoulder blades, he spread his fingers and drove to her sides, there he stopped and detached from her with hard breathing. But Charlotte was the fire and laid a burning path of her lips down his neck, while one hand was in his neck and the other stroked his face.

She raised her arm and maybe he had just imagined it, but it seemed to him as if she was turning towards his hand. Charlotte moaned as he let his hands slip over her curves much firmer than in the carriage.

"Oh...Sidney." She breathed and his lips kissed the heated skin of her cleavage.

It would be easy to pull on the fabric of her dress, but he didn't. Instead, he buried his hands in her hair, kissed up her neck, and found her lips again. He somehow took three steps as he deepened the kiss and in the next moment her knees gave way and he felt them fall on the bed.

Leaning immediately on one arm to get up, he separated from her, but she held on to him. The look in her eyes was deep and full of passion. Swallowing, he bent down and she opened her mouth and they let them carried away from their passion. 

Suddenly her hands were pulling and clutching his shirt. He moved his hands all over her body, but he left out the parts where she longed for his touch the most. Charlotte arched her back to get closer to him.

This time he was not hesitant but embraced her breasts with strong fingers. A small noise escaped her and he kissed her wild and full of devotion. 

Charlotte shivered and it pulled everywhere in her body. She twitched and longed to feel him there were her body burned. When suddenly his leg slipped between hers, it made her groan with never known desire. 

Sidney shifted his weight so that he would not crush her. The loss of his weight some kind hurt and she pulled him back.

Suddenly she felt hot skin under her fingertips and both froze in their movement. Quivering, he sucked in the air as she let her hand move further under his shirt. And he trembled as her fingers touched his sensitive side.

Supported by one arm, he released his body even further from her so that she could touch his belly. He kept his eyes closed so that each gentle stroke of her fingertips could burn into his heart.  
His whole body shook as she pushed her hand further under his shirt. His muscles twitched under her touch.

"Charlotte."

A hoarse expression of his lust as she caressed his chest and he devoured her with his lips and hands. Her hand moved down again and he twitched so violently as she stroked his lower abdomen that he could no longer hide his desire. Of course he longed for more, but when her fingers got stuck on the button of his breeches he awoke suddenly from the intoxicating dream.

Sidney grabbed her hand so quickly that she didn't even realise what she had done and put it down next to her head. His firm grip made her freeze. He looked deep into her eyes as their fingers interlocked. Then he kissed her with restraint, knowing he had to push back the urgency of being close to her. Shaking his head he explained.

"No, that's not how we do it!"

The rejection hit her like a huge wave of icy cold water. Disappointed, she tried to slide away from him. And said more bitterly than she wanted. 

"I don't know how to do it, you have to show me." She turned her head away so he wouldn't see her tears.

"Oh my love, I didn't mean it like that." He pulled her back to him and placed his hand on her cheek. 

"I meant in such a hurry." His impression showed his pain.  
"They are waiting for us."

Her eyes seemed huge as she looked at him and searched for the truth in his gaze, that she didn't do anything wrong.

"I want to get to know you in peace, find out what you like."

When he smiled down at her, he waited until she smiled back at him.

"To make you enjoy it and enjoy you."  
At his words a shiver ran through her. And, yet she did not know exactly what to answer.

"Let's go to the ball and do our duty, so we'll be back soon."

With light fingers he gently stroked her face and looked into her eyes with the gaze of tender love, that nothing else wanted to come over her lips but

"I love you."

Her free hand stroked lovingly through his hair as he lay down on her. He pressed his ear to her neckline and listened to the pounding of her heart.

Forty minutes later they left their house and with quick strides caught up with Arthur and Diana who no longer wanted to wait for them and had already left. They were definitely late and Tom would certainly be annoyed with them all.

But when his sister gave Charlotte a hug and greeted her happily with the words.

"Good evening, Mrs Parker."

He suddenly fully understood what had happened today. 

Only ten hours earlier he had been married! Overwhelmed he stopped and turned Charlotte towards him. He was about to tell her how happy he was when her smile disappeared and her forehead frowned. Concerned he asked.

"What is...?"

"Fire."

She breathed scared and pointed up to one of the windows.

And then everything happened so fast that none of the four really noticed what they were doing. 

Diana ran off to the assembly rooms, Arthur and Charlotte knocked violently on the doors to warn the residents. 

"Fire, fire!" they shouted.

Charlotte looked quickly up at the window where the flickering fire was raging and was about to call Sidney to fetch water when she saw him pull off his coat. Their eyes met for the blink of an eye and then he disappeared into the burning house.


	14. No smoke without fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire is put out before another one burns brightly....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again very much for your support for this story.   
> I really hope you like the last chapter. 
> 
> Everyone who knows my stories, know I will not be explicit, but it will be a little... warmer in the end. So if you don't like it, please skip it.

Unbearable heat.

Burning smoke filled his lungs and robbed him of air to breathe.

Sidney couldn't think anymore. 

One moment before he had kicked the door open, and now he was already standing at the door behind the fire was burning. He tore it open, and the flames came towards him, but he felt strangely freezing cold. The fear in that one look Charlotte had thrown at him seized his heart.

"Is anyone here?" He screamed and then saw the collapsed person lying on the floor.

Blazing heat.

His heart cried out in fear that he would never see her again. Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte.

Hot roar.

The old man lay heavy in his arms. He hoisted him onto his shoulder and made his way through the burning house. Everything was loud and horrible creaking. He felt the house groaning above him and he screamed out his fear before he could reach the exit.

Bitter cold. 

A frozen fist reached for Charlotte’s heart and squeezed.

She could no longer feel anything. 

It was freezing cold and yet she could feel the heat of the fire on her cheek. She hadn't even noticed that she had gone closer to the burning house. The burning house he had disappeared in. The broken door looked like a big black cave that had swallowed him.

"Stay here!"

Someone tugged at her screaming and suddenly she saw Arthur in front of her. He was talking, but she couldn't hear him. His lips moved without sound. Dull she felt where he was holding her, but it was all numb.

Icy silence.

Her head was blank and she didn't know anything anymore. Not even her own name. Only his. Sidney. Sidney. Sidney. 

Frozen deafness.

Sidney was gone. Running into the house. Into the burning house. But she didn't feel it. She didn't see it. Didn't hear it. 

Emptiness.

Sidney’s eyes were burning, the tears were streaming down his face. Everything was getting closer. The noise got louder, the screams of the residents. In a blur he saw the wagon with the water pump. So loud his heartbeat in his ears. Melting with the roar of the fire. But then suddenly everything was very quiet. 

Silence. 

His eyes found her immediately and a calm lay over him like a cape. A small gust of wind. Her hair danced like branches in the wind as she found his gaze. He shouted coughing her name.

"Charlotte!"

"Sidney."

She whispered against the wind when she saw him. He'd thrown old Mr Stringer over his shoulder and came towards her. They shared a glance. Shining with tears. Smiling, knowing that all was well. Of course they would have liked to pull each other into their arms, but that would have had to wait. They had to wait.

Someone had already fetched Dr Fuchs and he ordered Sidney to take Mr Stringer to the nearest house and Charlotte to assist him again. Mr Stringer was unconscious and his son stood there, incredulous, too paralysed to do anything. But Sidney pulled him in and after another quick glance to Charlotte, he ran back out to join in the fire fighting.

Dr Fuchs started the resuscitation and instructed Charlotte to get candles and unpack his bag. She did everything he told her to do. As if in a heavy fever dream, this event passed by tenaciously and slowly. Her head hammered in a muffled rhythm. The fear for Sidney made its way to the surface as the three fought for the life of Mr Stringer.

She noticed everything and at the same time nothing. Later she would remember some details precisely and others would be lost forever. How the dust danced over the light of the candles, the orange flicker of the fire cast shadows through the window onto the wall, the tears on James Stringer's cheek. The croaking breathes of his father as he tried to sit up after dragging air. The biting smell of the medicine Dr Fuchs gave him.

At some point she felt the cool night air on her face. The smell of burnt wood. Squeaking pebbles under the shoes of the helpers running around. The splashing of water against the house wall, and bursting glass. Her gaze was fixed on his back. Sidney stood in the front of the building, holding the hose into the flames to put them out. The skin of his forearms shimmered golden.

Sidney felt her gaze rest on him and quickly turned to look at her. How he would have loved to hold her in his arms, he had to feel her, only then would he believe he had escaped the fire. But he had to fight it. Put the fire out, put it out! All would be lost if the fire spread to the other houses.

It was like in a dream. At one moment Charlotte realised that she was carrying a bucket of water and handed it to one of the workers, who poured it into the flames. She felt Sidney's gaze rest on her and she nodded at him. Her shoulders ached and her hands felt like she had burned them, but she kept going like the others. 

When Sidney finally caught sight of Tom at the scene of the burned house, he went to him and told him about Mr Stringer and how all had done everything possible in the last three hours to put out the fire and save the house from collapsing. Then he said goodbye, but Tom held him back.

"You can't leave me alone!"

"Tom!" Cried Sidney and broke away "This morning I got married, it's still my wedding day and I want to spend the rest of the night with my wife."

He didn’t wait for a reply and went to Charlotte, who stood there with Diana on the other side of the road. She massaged her tense shoulders, but relaxed as soon as she felt him standing behind him.

"We're leaving."

When she heard his words, suddenly everything around her rushed through her mind again. 

The starry night sky above them. Her hand in his. The wind rustled through her hair. Suddenly the door of their home. A maid said she would prepare a bath, but Charlotte didn’t really listen. Finally she felt his lips on her forehead and she could breath again.

"Are you alright, my sweet love?"

"Yes, of course."

There was nothing she could do about it, but she clung to him and the fear she had for him was back. Her hands reached for his head and she pressed her lips against his in a greedy kiss.

He pulled away, although he longed for her so much, he thought it would be better if she could rest first.

"Charlotte."

"I was so scared," she grumbled and shoved him against his chest. "What were you thinking running into that burning house?"

Sidney took her hand and searched for words as she threw herself back into his arms and cried in his chest.   
"You saved his life."

"You and the doctor did this."

"Sidney..."

But instead of letting her finish, he kissed her and wrapped his arms around her. The feelings overwhelmed them. And as if the fire was now burning within them, the passion won and they fell more or less all over each other.

He tugged at her dress, pressed her against the doorframe and ran his hands wildly over her body. They stumbled up the stairs. Repeatedly they had to pause because Charlotte tried to undo the buttons on his waistcoat, but at a certain point she just tore them off and he made a humming sound, deep in his throat.

Over his shoulders she pulled it down and immediately unknotted his tie. His hands did not rest either. They pulled down the neckline of her dress, reached into her hair and pressed the small of her back to him. The greed for her was so overwhelming that he grabbed the fabric of her dress in the back with both hands and pulled it so hard that she heard it tear. A wave of unknown feelings ran through her and she clung so tightly to his hair that he withdrew and made a small, painful sound.

A fleeting thought that he should bring her into the bedroom flew through his brain, but first he gave in to the unbelievable energy of desire and trapped her between him and the wall. His hands pulled down the collar of her dress and he stroked her through her undergarment until she gasped for air. 

"Forgive..."

Sidney tried but was immediately interrupted and Charlotte knew no mercy and kissed him violently.

They wanted to be close to each other. They need to be close and nothing else mattered.

Something clinked and they let go of each other breathing and laughing. They had knocked over a vase that was standing on a small table and Sidney was quite happy about the interruption, because he didn't want to make her his wife here in the corridor, but in their bed, as it should be. He wordlessly took her hand, kissed it and pulled her towards the bedroom door when the maid came out.

"Your bath is ready, Mrs Parker."

Charlotte didn't know what to say, bathing was the last thing she wanted to do in that moment.

"Shall I help you?" 

But before Charlotte could answer her, Sidney said. 

"No." And pulled his wife into the room without any further word and closed the door with a thud.

A sudden heaviness lay over Charlotte and she took a few steps into the room. The fire crackled in the fireplace, the steam of the hot water floated over the bathtub. Sidney stood behind her. His breath tickled her neck before he embraced her and kissed her shoulder. It was tingling everywhere and yet, she wanted that he was doing well, he should relax he had worked so hard.

"You should take the bath instead of me."  
"No."

When he pulled the dress from her body, she gasped as he opened her corset with his quick fingers and kissed her shoulder blades.

"Sidney, wait!"

With a jerk he tore off her corset, turned her around and looked her in the face with black eyes.

"I can't wait anymore, Charlotte!"

He grabbed her head and seized her lips. As his tongue whirled around in her mouth so quickly that she felt dizzy, she wrapped one arm around his neck, she slipped her other hand under his shirt.

Sidney pulled back, full of concern.

"Unless you want to wait" he whispered seriously "or do you want to take the bath?" 

Smiling up at him she shook her head.

Then the fire broke out what had been burning under his skin for ages and he tugged at the rest of her clothes as they stumbled towards the bed. Carefully he laid her down and lay only half on top of her so as not to crush her. Their lips never left each other’s and it was a wild fireworks. He tugged at her chemise, tear it from her body and when the fabric finally fell to the ground his hands and lips knew no hold anymore. They wandered over her curves and found no rest.

The rustling in her head made everything slowly, although it was a rush. The soft bed under her back, the small flower pattern on the blanket. Soot on his cheek. The smell of fire and sweat on his skin. His broad glowing body above her. The tearing of fabric and then finally his hands on her skin.

Finally Charlotte lay naked in front of him and the blazing fire in them suddenly turned into a glow. 

It became very quiet. 

Charlotte’s breath was still fast, but he seemed so incredibly relaxed. How beautiful she was! Sidney let his gaze wander over her. His heavy eyes got stuck on her lush curves, which he had already felt through her dress. And fascinating was that as his gaze wandered over her soft hills, the delicate tips straightened up and Charlotte closed her eyes. 

He had this wrinkle between his eyebrows and she was afraid that he didn't like what he saw.

"You are so beautiful."

Gently he traced the contours of her body with his fingers. He saw her goose bumps and took her hand. Led her to his lips and kissed her fingertips. Then he put her small hand on his chest so that she could feel his heartbeat. Only then she opened her eyes again.

He leaned towards her and kissed her gently. But as soon as she reached for him, it became a wild dance again.

Deepening the kiss, he released her hand and embraced her face. Stroked her hair back and let his hungry lips wander across her neck. Her little sighs made him enjoy her even more. Slowly his hand moved from her face to her neck and shoulders, he felt her shiver. Hands followed the line of her side and let it rest on her hip. Charlotte trembled violently under his touch. Again he looked at her for a moment before he kissed her slowly. 

She breathed in loudly as he let his hand move up and caressed her softly with his fingers. Then he placed his slightly rough and burning hot hand on the tender cold flesh, warming it and at the same time deepening the kiss. Meanwhile her hand had moved into his hair and she clawed her fingers into it as if she had to hold on to something.

Sidney thought she would tear out his hair, she pulled so hard as he stroked her even more gently with his thumb. Her breath quickened and his strong fingers on her skin conjured up the burning desire within her. His fierce mouth pressed on hers, with a slow passion that he did not know he was capable of. Stroking her face and her hair, embracing her cheeks. Caressed her forehead with his lips, he inhaled her neck.

Charlotte longed for him with every fibre of her being, pressed against him without shame, as if she wanted to swallow him with her body. Wanting him to do more, although she could not name this 'more'. Shaking and fidgeting under his restless hands. Then suddenly he paused and looked down at her.

And smiled this beautiful smile.

Then he let his hands continue to explore her body. At times his touch was gentle, soft like a breeze. Then again a firm grip. Charlotte gasped for air, as Sidney let his mouth continue the journey of his hands. Explore with his lips and tongue the places where his fingers had been before.

Sidney took delight in the helpless twitching and soft moans of his name falling from her lips. Trapped in the agony of desire, she begged him to finally do it, even though he was sure she didn't know what he was about to do, but the panting of his name was just too intoxicating.

Never left her hands his body either, she stroked and tugged at him. His longing was unbearable but he took his time. He had promised her to let them both enjoy it and even though it was hard, he tried his best. But at some point he couldn’t hold back anymore.

As she arched towards him, he slowly slid on top of her. Gently he embraced her wrists and put her hands over her head. He buried his mouth on her neck, whispered her name into to the heated skin. She felt him between her thighs and breathed heavily. As he pushed his hips forward to dive into her, she gasped so loudly that he froze fearing that he had hurt her.

Charlotte couldn’t think anymore. It was breath-taking wonderful to feel him so close. They held each other tightly, it was as if their bodies had dissolved. Panting, they both trembled as they moved. He wanted to crawl deeper into her, completely obsessed by her glow. Their bodies fit together seamlessly, like pieces of a puzzle that have been waiting to be put together, to be joined. Staring at each other as if they could not believe that they were real.

Golden sparks of love glittered in her eyes and they flow in his heart. 

Everything was a warm golden blur. She heard his voice whispering her name and as she looked up, she saw his beautiful face smiling down to her. 

"I love you."

"And I love you."

"Sleep now my love."

Cuddling to him she inhaled his scent. His warm smooth skin still smelled of fire.

As the morning rose Charlotte felt she was alone. Scared she jumped up, but noticed him immediately. He sat at the bathtub and seemed to feel if the water had a good temperature. She stepped quietly out of the bed and closer towards him. As she arrived by his side she stroked his hair. 

The quick movement almost made her fall, as he turned to her and wrapped his wet arms around her so tightly that the pressure inside her was instantly back. The edge of the bathtub pressed into her thighs, his face placed on her lower belly and one hand was firmly on one of her buttocks.

Charlotte gasped as he kissed her and his other hand moved up. He just couldn't help himself, her seductive curves screamed for his touch.

She clawed her fingers into his hair and she didn't know whether she was pulling on him or pressing him, or whether her hands were just going along with his movement. But just a moment ago she felt his face pressed into her skin, in the next moment he towered over her and pulled her into his arms. His kiss was so tenderly.

Charlotte heard water splashing before she felt she was in the tub. Her fingers ran across the muscles of his chest and clawed into the warm skin of his back. His hands stroked in a tender rhythm over her body.

"Ever since that day with Dr Fuchs, I've dreamed of this." Sidney declared in his still husky dark voice.

"To pull me in the bathtub?" Charlotte laughed, but her smile disappeared at his words.

"To seduce you in the bathtub." His eyes got even darker and Charlotte swallowed.

"Mr Parker!" She cried laughing as he slowly sat down and pulled her with him.

"Come here, Mrs Parker."

Tugging her into his arms he kissed her and whispered into her ear, what he had planned for their honeymoon. Charlotte felt her cheeks blush.

"But Sidney, you can’t do this!"

"I do!"

Then they both laughed, wrapping their arms around each other, and with the gentle movements of their love the water from the tub splashed onto the floor.


End file.
